


This Is Where I Find You

by 2WhoR1 (SnilyAlways775344)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, This Is Where I Leave You (2014)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Intimacy, Mental Health Issues, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:47:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 43,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26688400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnilyAlways775344/pseuds/2WhoR1
Summary: What does it take for Phillip to want to change?  A kindred spirit he finds in a woman he never would have looked twice at before.  A woman who seems to know him better than he knows himself and expects more out of him than what he's given the world.  A woman who teaches him the value of being true to himself.Rey doesn't think she'll ever find The One and has stopped looking.  A chance meeting with the youngest Altman brings fun and laughter into her life, something that it had been sorely lacking.   Was it possible he could bring more?  If so, was she willing to take the risk?
Relationships: All secondary ships don't feature much, Hillary/Linda, Judd Altman/Penny, Paul/Alice, Phillip Altman/Rey (Star Wars), Secondary ships are more mentioned than anything, Wendy Altman/Barry
Comments: 35
Kudos: 30





	1. I See The Real You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Rey/Phillip so if Phillip seems out of character at times, well, you'll know why. As far as the mental health issues mentioned, I've researched as much as I could. Any mistakes are my own. Not trying to make light of those at all. The chapter title and 'quote' is from the Three Days Grace song The Real You. It's a great song and I thought it very fitting. The childhood trauma tag is for something Rey mentions she'd experienced at the hands of some foster parents.

**_I see the real you_ **

**_\--- Three Days Grace_ **

Rey whistled in appreciation at the Harley Davidson Fat Boy currently parked outside the Altman’s sporting goods store. Nearly all of the chrome had been blacked out, even most of the engine. With a black 2-passenger seat and black tank, it looked a lot better than it did in photographs - and it looked amazing in pictures. One could lose this beauty in the shadows unless it was running. There was no mistaking or hiding the low, rumbling growl of the Harley engine, like it was something feral warning any and all comers to stay the hell away or suffer the consequences. A black shortie, or half-helmet, dangled by the chin strap off one of the handlebars. She couldn’t help wondering whose sweet ride it was. She’d itched to get her hands on one, the engine in particular. They were works of art. 

Giving it a final once-over, Rey stepped inside the store. Really, she had no reason to be there; she didn’t play sports. However, her next door neighbor Horry worked there and was good friends with the Altmans. In fact, Horry’s mother and the Altman matriarch were involved. The day Rey had moved in, the two women showed up on her doorstep as a welcoming committee. From that moment on, the three talked often, inviting Rey over for dinner many times. She loved the two women and were grateful for their overtures of friendship. Rey had learned a lot about the Altman children but had only met the oldest of them, Paul, who coincidentally jointly ran the store she now stood in and several others with the middle brother, Judd.

She stepped up to the counter to greet Horry. “Hi. How’s it going today?”

Horry turned to her with a small smile on his face. “Hello, Buttercup. It’s alright, I guess.”

Rey grinned at the nickname she’d been given. His mother told her it was just something he did, although, to her knowledge, he’d only given one other girl a nickname. Rey didn’t mind. Horry was sweet and soft-spoken, so coming from him, it didn’t sound like the insult it could be coming from someone else.

A door banged open from somewhere and loud voices drifted closer. “I’m sorry, alright?! They decided to go in another direction! What was I supposed to do?!”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe convince them otherwise like you said you could?!” 

That sounded like Paul. Rey turned raised brows to Horry but he wasn’t looking her way. The voices drew increasingly closer.

“Oh, just say it, will you? The family screw-up has predictably screwed up again! And you’ve been waiting for it, haven’t you?” 

“You know, if you’d just take a little responsibility - ”

“What the fuck do you think I’ve been trying to do these last six months?! But who cares, right? I fucked up! That’s all that matters! That’s all that ever mattered!”

Footsteps fell heavily against the floor. “That’s not true.” The voice that sounded like Paul’s held a less than convincing note to it. At least to Rey. “Not to Dad. And, honestly, I just don’t see how you were ever his favorite!”

Rey gasped, realizing she was overhearing a heated argument between the oldest Altman child and the youngest. The responsible, stayed to take over the family business Paul and the irresponsible, irreverent, immature Phillip. Knowing their father hadn’t been gone long, Rey thought that to be a low blow.

“Well, thanks ever so much for the loving support,” came the scathing reply in a deeper voice than she’d expected. “And I wasn’t Dad’s favorite! You were! You stayed! You continued the legacy he’d built!”

“Well, what was I supposed to do? Everyone else took off! Judd married Quinn and left! Wendy married Barry and left!  _ You  _ left to cavort all over the damn place like a little kid, hopping from bed to bed as you saw fit!”

“Dad always said it was important to enjoy life. That’s exactly what I was doing! I thought things would change since Dad died, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. You never wanted me here. Don’t deny it. You’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, I guess it finally has. You’re right. You’re  _ all  _ right. I’m just an irredeemable asshole. I’m done.”

A huge sigh. “Phillip, wait.”

A giant of a man dressed all in black - black jeans, black t-shirt, black belt, black shoes, and black leather jacket - barreled around the corner and jerked to a stop the instant he saw her. Rey’s jaw nearly dropped at the sheer size of the guy who obviously was Phillip, at his height and breadth. His adorably big ears popped out through tousled hair the same color as the clothes he wore, as if to prove not everything about him was darkness. In his shadowed brown eyes, Rey caught a glimpse of emotional pain before he forced a self-deprecating smirk into place. Cute dimples framed the corners of his lips. She usually wasn’t a fan of facial hair but what Phillip sported on his lip and chin was fairly well-trimmed and didn’t look that bad.

“Well, hello, there.”

“Phillip, why did you … ?” Paul stepped around his brother and stopped, his cheeks flooding with color. “Oh. Hi, Rey. Sorry if you overheard any of that.”

“I’m not.” Phillip sauntered over to Rey with a hand outstretched. “Hi. I’m Phillip, aka the womanizing, irredeemable, perpetual fuck-up of the Altman family.”

Paul rolled his eyes and sighed. “Don’t be an asshole, Phillip.”

Phillip motioned toward his brother with an exaggerated wave of his other hand and tilt of his head. “That one, too. I’ve bound to have left some out, but don’t worry, Paul and the others will fill you in soon enough.” 

Rey debated taking that hand. She felt as if, by doing so, she’d be implanting herself right smack in the middle of the family drama and she didn’t want that. On the other hand, she couldn’t erase from her mind the hurt she’d seen in his eyes and on his face that instant he’d rounded the corner. He put up a good front. She couldn’t see any trace of those emotions now. Just as the grin began to falter, she took his large hand into hers, giving it a good squeeze.

“Hi. I’m Rey.” She motioned toward Horry. “I live next door to Horry and his mother. I’ve met yours.”

Phillip snatched his hand back so quickly it was a wonder a fire didn’t start from the friction of his skin sliding over hers, his expression now one of pure dread. “You didn’t … read her book … did you?”

Deciding to have a little fun, Rey nodded enthusiastically and waxed poetic about how informative it was. Phillip went a little green and she knew the jig was up. “I’m kidding! No, I haven’t read her book. Not that interested in tell-all books. And before you ask, no, she hasn’t told me a bunch of stories about all of you when you were young.”

Phillip studied her a moment longer, then broke into a huge smile. “Touché, pussycat.”

“Hey, Phillip, where’s the Porsche?” Paul stood staring out the window, looking up and down the street. Over his shoulder, he sighed and asked, “Did you leave the keys in it again? It’s probably been stolen.”

Phillip, still studying Rey, winked and shook his head. “Nope. Sold it. My new ride is out there, though.”

Paul turned back to the window, checked the street again, then faced the others, his expression one of incredulity. He pointed out the window. “ _ That?  _ That …  _ thing  _ … is your new ride?”

As if they planned it, both Rey and Phillip turned to face the oldest Altman sibling, offense in their demeanors and voices as they simultaneously stated, “That’s no  _ thing _ ! That’s a beautiful piece of machinery! It’s rolling perfection! It’s a work of art!”

Rey whirled to face the guy beside her, excitement burning in her eyes. “That beauty is  _ yours _ ?”

Phillip looked down at her the exact same moment she faced him, a smug grin taking over his features. “It sure is.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Want a ride?”

Paul stalked over to where Rey and Phillip stood. “No. There’ll be  _ no  _ riding.” He said it in such a significant way, with a certain look in his eye, that Rey knew he wasn’t meaning the Harley. “I swear, Phillip, don’t you dare go there.”

The youngest Altman ducked his head but tilted his chin up as if he was attempting to look up at his shorter brother. He even bent his knees some. The expression on his face said some buttons were about to get pressed.

“You’re still no fun.” Sure enough, Paul’s jaw clamped shut. Phillip stood back up to his full height. “Thank, God, I don’t need your permission.” Turning to Rey with a devilish grin, he added, “Just yours.” He wiggled his eyebrows again, his voice lowering. “What do you say, pussycat? Would you like a ride?”

“Phillip,” came the warning from Paul, but it had no effect.

“If my car wasn’t a few doors down, I didn’t have to go by the grocery store, and I had a helmet, then, I’d say yes, but it is, I do, and I don’t.”

“A quickie, then. And the helmet’s no problem.” His gaze raked over her shorter, much more slender frame. “Mine probably won’t fit, but we’ve got some against the back wall, which, I know, is odd but Dad always insisted on having some on hand. I’ll find you one.”

Like a kid who’d been told to go pick out a bag full of candy, Phillip disappeared in that direction, his brother trailing him, still attempting to dissuade him from his current course of action. Rey turned a questioning look to Horry, who had stood silently behind the counter and simply watched the drama unfold.

“Are they always like this?”

Horry shrugged. “This is actually better.” His gaze flicked in the direction the two brothers had gone before returning to her. “They mean well. Both of them. Paul doesn’t know how to relate to Phillip. Phillip’s been trying to change. Paul doesn’t always see it. Phillip was right. Paul’s been waiting for Phillip to mess something up.” He paused for a second. “Phillip needs someone in his corner. Someone  _ solely _ in his corner. Someone who sees what he keeps hidden from everyone else.”

Rey gaped at her neighbor, trying to process just what he was implying. “Are you saying  _ I _ should be that person?”

She wasn’t certain how to feel about that. She barely knew the guy. He did come off as a bit of a jerk and that was one thing she really didn’t need in her life. But, was that his true personality or a defense mechanism of some sort? Why would he need that, though? Her mind flashed back to his expression as he came around the corner, of eyes one would call puppy eyes, full of pain and longing. She refocused on Horry.

“Why me?”

“I watch people, Rey. I know you saw the same thing I did when he came out here, before he hid it. Phillip is different from all the Altmans. Always has been. It’s part of the reason why there’s so much tension between them all. Wendy, Judd, Paul. They’re a mix of their parents. Phillip is the radical one. The one that doesn’t fit in. I think he often felt like an observer within his own family and learned the way to get attention was by acting out. All it really did was increase the distance, the lack of tolerance, in a way, for him. Eventually, they brushed it aside with the attitude that Phillip will be Phillip and basically ignored him.”

“How do you know all this? I mean, it sounds reasonable, what you’re saying, but how can you be certain?”

“I told you. I watch people. And read.” He shrugged. “Not much else to do. I’ve read some psychology books. I’ve watched the Altmans interact for years. I may not know much anymore, or at least on some days, but I do know what I see.”

About that time, Phillip returned carrying a helmet that matched his own, Paul still trying his best to sidetrack his brother. He took one look at the helmet, at her head, and shook his own. “Nope. That won’t fit. Hold on.”

“Phillip.” Paul sighed, faced Rey and said, “I’m sorry. This is what he does, though. Steamrolls right over everyone. Thinks he knows better than anyone else. If you want my advice, don’t let him. You’re probably better off not even getting involved with him. He’ll only end up hurting you.”

And there it was. Exactly as Horry had said. The dismissal. The exasperation. The warning to stay away from his own brother. Rey’s heart broke a little for the youngest Altman. How could none of them see what she and Horry did? To someone who had never had family, it was inconceivable to Rey for brothers and sisters, even a mother, to dismiss one of their own in such a manner. 

Phillip returned with another helmet, still identical to its previous counterpart but smaller, and lightly placed it on her head with a smug grin. “Yep, that’ll do it.”

“Phillip, she never agreed to this.”

Ignoring Paul, Phillip adjusted the chin strap, nodded with satisfaction, then pulled out his wallet and tossed a card onto the counter for Horry. Rey did everything she could to convince Horry to not run Phillip’s card but to run hers instead. However, Phillip steamrolled over every objection she could think to make, just as Paul had said earlier. With Horry’s words still ringing in her ears, Rey saw the gesture for what it most likely was. A sad attempt at getting her to pay attention to him, to like him and want to spend time with him, maybe to understand him. Not sad as in pathetic, but sad as in actually - literally - sad. She looked up at Horry, who had yet to actually make a move to charge Phillip’s card, and motioned for him to go ahead. He gave her a slight nod and smile, a secret message shared by the two of them, and proceeded.

“Do you even know how to ride that thing?” Paul still hadn’t resigned himself to letting it go.

Phillip faced his brother and with much exaggeration replied, “No! I just thought I’d offer a stranger a ride on a motorcycle I have absolutely no idea how to ride! Imagine the drama! No, the  _ scandal _ that would cause for you and the others! I can see the headlines now!” A hand lifted as if tracing out a newspaper headline. “Youngest Altman endangers life of customer by offering motorcycle ride!” He sobered instantly, giving his brother a glare. “I’m not fucking stupid, Paul, so quit treating me as if I am.”

“Stop acting like it and I might!”

Afraid the verbal fight might degrade into something physical, Rey snatched the receipt and card from Horry, grabbed hold of Phillip’s jacket sleeve, and dragged him out the door. As he put on a pair of sunglasses and donned his helmet, Rey searched for something to say.

“So, Phillip Altman, what is it that you do for a living?” He rattled off a list made to impress, but Rey wasn’t in the least. “Okay, so now tell me the truth. I don’t want to hear what you  _ think  _ I want to hear.”

He paused a moment in buckling the chin strap, looking utterly puzzled. “Why?”

“Because it matters to me.”

Phillip shrugged, his features schooled into a mask of indifference, tugged the motorcycle key from his pocket, and proceeded to unlock the bike. “But not to me.” 

Straddling it, he released the kickstand, stuffed the key back into his pocket, sat, then held out a hand to help her onto the little seat behind him. Rey took the offer and climbed on, wrapping her arms about his chest, her feet resting on the pegs, the position allowing her to easily look over his shoulder. She could rest her chin on it if she’d wanted to - which she didn’t. With each breath, however, she smelled his cologne. Something intense, dark and exotic, yet somehow light and, dare she think it, playful. The scent sat close to his skin as many fragrances would after having been worn for several hours. 

Rey pulled her thoughts away from his cologne and back to the conversation they were having. Rather softly, she said, “I think it does, but I won’t say anything else on the matter.”

She tightened her hold when he started revving the engine, expecting him to take off like a bat out of Hell. And really, she only had his word that he knew how to ride. He most certainly did know how, as she discovered. Very casually and calmly, they joined the flow of traffic, and Rey thrilled at the rumbling sound of the engine, the breeze whipping the back of her hair to and fro. By the time they’d traveled a single block, she’d grown confident in his skill, loosening her hold on him to something looser, more casual. She grinned from ear to ear, unable to contain her joy and excitement at finally being able to ride the bike of her dreams. The rumble of the engine prevented conversation, which was fine by Rey. She wasn’t sure what to say anyway. 

It took no time to pass through the downtown area. Before she knew it, Phillip merged onto the highway, really opening up the engine - and Rey loved every second of it! She felt free, like the wind could just pick her up and she’d soar on its currents to wherever she felt like going. She almost couldn’t control the impulse to hold her arms out like wings. All too soon, they left the highway and were on their way back to the shop. Rey wished it didn’t have to end, the thought deflating her mood like a balloon losing its air. 

Once they’d stopped and Phillip shut off the engine, Rey reluctantly laid one hand on his shoulder for balance as she swung her leg over the bike and stepped down to the street. After removing her helmet and running a hand through her windswept hair, she beamed at her companion.

“That was amazing! Thank you so much for taking me out. I had a lot of fun.”

Though his eyes were hidden behind the dark lenses, his broad grin left no doubt as to how he felt. “Well, you’re welcome. It’d be my pleasure to … take you out … again sometime.”

He said it in such an over-the-top manner that she couldn’t help but giggle. Feeling daring, she propped an arm on his shoulder, crossed her ankles and replied with almost a purr. “Oh, no, it would be  _ all  _ mine, what with that big machine vibrating between my legs.” 

Okay, so no, not exactly, but it was such fun to say. Phillip hooked a finger over the nosepiece of his glasses and lowered them enough so he could study her over them, his smile faltering just a bit, and Rey knew a moment of panic, thinking maybe she’d either given him the wrong signal or came off sounding rather sarcastic. But then, his eyes lit up with a humor she could only describe as being honest and real - rather than the half-forced, sarcastic version he seemed to favor, his smile broadening once again.

“Touché. Again.” He began removing his helmet, ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up a little, allowing the tips of his ears to peek through. “What sparked your interest in motorcycles?”

Rey shrugged, reluctant to share much about her past. “Well, I guess, growing up constantly told that girls don’t ride motorcycles just made me want it more. I’m fairly handy at mechanical stuff. I like to tinker with things. Make new things out of old. That sort of thing. What about you? How did you get into motorcycles?”

Dangling the helmet from one of the handlebars, Phillip flashed her a wide grin. “They’re obnoxiously loud and proud. Well, some are. What’s not to love?”

Getting to his feet, he motioned for her to follow him as he headed back into the family shop. Rey did, curious as to what he was up to, and ready to jump in if necessary. “Horry, is Paul still here?”

Horry nodded and pointed in the vague direction of his office. “Still is, yes.”

“Good. Paul! Paulie! Oh, Paulie, Paulie, Paul-Paul!”

Paul strode around the corner, his face twisted with annoyance. “What, Phillip? Some of us have to work!”

Phillip tilted his head ever so slightly, the corners of his lips twitching slightly, as if he couldn’t make sense of Paul’s declaration or he just wasn’t taking him seriously. But then, he straightened, grinned, his entire face lighting up, and held his hands out with a flourish to indicate Rey.

“Look! She’s back! Safe and sound! I thought you’d want to know she was fine since you seemed so concerned for her life earlier!”

Rey pulled her lips in to stop the grin that threatened to break out. She heard the note of sarcasm in his voice and knew he was simply needling his brother, giving him exactly what he expected to see and hear. Yeah, okay, Phillip didn’t  _ have  _ to play to that, but given what Horry had said, she couldn’t really blame him for doing it. She probably would have given up, too, after years of trying and getting nothing but rolled eyes, exasperation, and rejection. When Paul looked her way, she couldn’t help but give him a little wave, which had Phillip snickering.

Paul rolled his eyes and sighed, his voice heavy with his Phillip-being-Phillip attitude. “Okay, fine. Whatever. Congratulations. You managed not to kill her. This time.”

From the vicinity of Phillip’s pocket came the muffled sounds of some heavy metal song. When he fished it out of his pocket, Rey nearly gasped upon hearing a few lyrics.  _ What you want I’ll never be. Why can’t you be proud of me?  _ She knew that song.  _ Never Good Enough _ by Citizen Soldier. She  _ should  _ know it. She’d used it as her own anthem once upon a time. Rey shot a glance at Paul to see if he caught the meaning of the song. It didn’t seem as if he did. From the way Phillip’s jaw clenched, Rey knew this call wasn’t going to be a nice one. She had the knowledge confirmed when Phillip looked up at his brother with an accusing glare.

“You called Judd. Didn’t you?”

Paul spread his arms out, clearly irritated. “What was I supposed to do? You said you were done. You quit, Phillip. He and I had an agreement - ”

Gripping the phone still blaring its driving beat and begging its question, Phillip wildly motioned with his hand. “And you just couldn’t  _ wait  _ to call him, could you? Couldn’t wait to gloat about how right you were in not letting me work for you.” He mashed the screen and called into the phone, not bothering to bring it to his ear. “Save it, Judd. I don’t need to hear it from you, too. I fucked up. I admit it. That’s it. The end. Goodbye.” 

Jabbing the screen again, he dumped the phone into his pocket. Giving his brother a sardonic salute as if Paul was a superior officer, he spun on his heel. “Well, now, you won’t have to worry about me anymore. Not that you ever really did anyway.”

With that, Phillip’s long-legged stride took him right back through the door. Within moments, Rey heard the revving of the bike engine. Barely taking the time to glance over his shoulder for oncoming traffic, he roared away, the loud engine easily distinguished from the other cars even halfway down the block. Rey turned back to Paul, her eyes darting between the eldest Altman son and Horry. It wasn’t her place to say anything, but she wanted to. She wanted so much to lay into Paul for how he’d just acted toward Phillip. She wanted to yell at him that it was no wonder Phillip acted the way he did when his own brothers couldn’t see what was right in front of them.  _ But  _ she held her tongue, shook her head, and walked out, returning to her car. Before climbing in, she stared down the street in the direction Phillip had disappeared and said a silent prayer to whoever may be listening that he would be okay.

\----

Phillip didn’t stop until he reached the little parking area he always went to after an argument with one or more members of his family. He went as far as he could to get away without actually leaving Long Island. Hitting the kill switch for the bike, Phillip removed his helmet, ran a hand through his hair and let out a heavy breath. He liked this particular spot because it afforded him a great view of the Atlantic. Watching the waves lap against the sandy beach calmed him like nothing else he’d ever found. Tilting his head into the wind, he breathed in the briny air, closing his eyes as he did so. Some days he wished he could just float away. Who’d miss him? All of them would just write him off as they’d done for years.

Why the fuck was he so different from them? Why couldn’t he do just one thing right? For the last six months, he’d tried his hardest - and thought he was succeeding. For him, he supposed, success was merely an illusion, a tease, something to be dangled in front of him only to have it snatched away as he started to reach for it. His siblings’ attitudes towards him, his mother’s too, bothered him a great deal, though he’d never admit to it out loud. If he ever were to, he already knew what they’d say.  _ Stop acting like a spoiled child and grow up, Phillip. Then, we might treat you like an adult. Prove you can be responsible. Then, we might respect you. _

Phillip continued to stare at the expanse of water just on the other side of the sandy beach. His eyes began to sting, but it had less to do with the ocean air and more to do with the knowledge that he would never gain their respect or affection. Not truly. He was just too … different. Hell, he even  _ looked _ different from the rest of them. He was much taller than any of them. His hair was black, not brown. His bone structure was even different. If it weren’t for the fact that he was nearly identical in looks to one of his mother’s great uncles or something, he’d believe he’d been switched at birth! Or adopted! But no, he was simply the one Altman who couldn’t do a damn thing right, the one Altman who, according to them, had narcissistic tendencies and followed through with them unapologetically. Hell, they were probably right.

Sometimes, he despised who he was. Not his name, but his personality. Sometimes, he wanted to smack himself in the head and rant at himself, asking why he’d acted so stupidly or said something utterly insensitive. He couldn’t figure out  _ why  _ he felt the need to push his siblings’ buttons, the ones he knew that would get an instant reaction out of them. He often felt like he had no impulse control at all. His jumping around from one thing to the next, unable to stay with something very long, proved that. What was  _ wrong  _ with him?!

The ocean offered no answer. He had half a mind to simply leave. Just go somewhere, leave the family behind, but that didn’t sit well with him. For once in his life, he really wanted to stay. He wanted to try - and keep trying until he proved them all wrong. But what could he do? Paul wouldn’t let him get involved in the business again. Of that, he was certain. No amount of cajoling from Judd would change Paul’s mind. Not that Phillip really wanted to talk to Judd, either, despite the few sincere moments they’d had right after their father had died. No, Judd had his hands full right now with Quinn nearing the end of her pregnancy and his new relationship with Penny. Phillip felt this was something he had to do without his siblings’ help.

His mind flashed to the girl at the shop. Rey. He’d sensed in her a kindred spirit, so to speak. Maybe she’d have an idea or two. His lips curled into a fond smile as he remembered her sparkling eyes and bright smile. Like sunshine in the darkness. He chuckled at their simultaneous and equally indignant response to Paul’s comment about the bike. She’d enjoyed the ride. Surprisingly, so had he. Feeling her wrapped around him, her legs brushing his, her front against his back, and her arms around his waist, it was a nice sensation. She’d given him her trust, even after the things she’d overheard Paul say to him during their argument. No matter how he’d introduced himself. And she’d teased him! Phillip laughed out loud at that. The girl was so different from what he was used to. Yes, the idea to talk to her felt like a sound one. He just hoped she didn’t mind him showing up on her doorstep.

\----

By the time he’d pulled into her driveway and turned off the engine, Rey had come from around the back of the house, looking puzzled but in a positive way. She didn’t  _ seem  _ as if she was annoyed with him anyway. Putting the bike on its kickstand, then removing his helmet to hang off one of the handlebars, Phillip met Rey’s gaze apprehensively.

“I hope you don’t mind me popping in. I didn’t have a way to contact you or I would have asked first.”

She graced him with her beaming smile and he felt his anxiety melt away. “Of course I don’t. Come on back.”

Steadfastly refusing to glance across the street, certain his mother had heard by now of yet another one of his failures, Phillip followed her to the backyard, his jaw dropping once he got there. A flower garden ran along the far side fence line, containing a riot of colors. A wood and stone gazebo sat in the middle of the yard, but instead of seating, there was a table with some kind of project on it and a stool. On the back deck, several metallic sculptures or figurines stood, made of various metals and ordinary objects. They were … quirky … he supposed. Bits of metal and broken objects scattered over the area, along with some half-finished pieces. They looked exactly like some art pieces he’d seen in catalogs. He wondered if she’d considered selling them.

It wasn’t until they reached the table that he realized what it was he’d seen. “Is that … ?”

“A Harley engine? Yes, it is. An old, broken one. I told you. I like to tinker with things. I’m hoping to either get it to working again or scavenge it for parts.” She indicated her metal art.

“Have you considered selling any of them?”

Rey scrunched her nose up and shook her head. “Nah. They’re not that good. Really, they’re just junk, made of junk.” She shrugged. “Kind of therapeutic.”

Phillip got the impression from the dulled light in her eyes, that this girl had been told some very unpleasant things, and it made him want to help her change how she viewed the things she did. “They’re not junk. I’ve seen that exact kind of thing in high-end shops and markets. There’s a big demand right now for it. If you wanted, I could try to set something up for you. Maybe get you a contract or - ”

For the first time, he actually heard himself speak, truly heard himself, and winced. “Sorry. I don’t mean to push myself onto you or anything. You don’t even know me, really, and here I am showing up at your house.” He rapped the heel of his hand against his forehead. “I’m stupid. Don’t mind me. In fact, I’ll just go.”

Phillip turned away, but before he could take a single step, Rey had grasped his arm, pulling his attention back to her. “Phillip, don’t go,” she implored him softly. “It’s okay that you’re here. I appreciate the sentiment about my work, and maybe one day - when I’m overrun with the things - I’ll take you up on your offer.” She turned him to face her fully and grabbed his other arm, her expression fierce. “Listen to me. You are  _ not  _ stupid. Do you hear me? You’re not. I don’t ever want to hear that come out of your mouth again.” 

Phillip gazed down at Rey, unable to speak for the lump in his throat. No one had ever spoken to him like that before. Well, there was Tracy but that was her job as his therapist, until she wasn’t anymore. He mentally shook his head. That had been a disaster, one he should have seen coming. That was typical of him, though. He never could see the trainwrecks until he was in the middle of them. His family certainly didn’t speak like that to him, not in any recent memory. Not counting the seven days after his father’s funeral, and even then, he was met with derision and exasperation most of the time.

“Thank you.” The words came out a little raspy, so he cleared his throat and continued. “For saying that, I mean. I’m not sure that I believe you, but I appreciate it.”

One corner of her lips curled into a crooked grin. “Wel, then, I’ll just have to keep saying it until you do.”

“You … still want me around? Knowing what kind of an asshole I can be?”

Her hands tightened slightly on his forearms. “Yes, I do. You want to know why? Because I think, underneath that brash, insensitive, and uncaring outer layer is someone who cares very much but has been … conditioned, maybe … to act a certain way, to hide his feelings.”

How in the hell did she see him so clearly when his own family couldn’t? To hide his confusion and discomfort at having been read so easily, he smirked, straightening his shoulders. “You just want me around to give you a ride.” His voice lowered into suggestive territory. “I can certainly oblige that desire.”

Rey let out a huge sigh and Phillip’s heart jumped. He’d gone too far. He’d fucked things up again. Would he ever learn? He’d chased away the one person who might have truly understood him. What would he do if she told him to leave and never come back? God, he really was an irredeemable asshole.

Rey held her arms out and shrugged. “Okay, you figured me out. I’m really just using you for that lovely beast of machinery you have. I want to get my hands on it, take it apart, and turn it into some junk figurines.”

For a moment, Phillip was stunned speechless. When the ridiculousness of her declaration truly hit him, he snorted then laughed out loud. She wouldn’t do that any more than Paul would suddenly close up the shop and run off to Hawaii. Rey joined in with a boisterous laugh, not some dainty affectation that many women use. He liked that about her. She was comfortable being who she was. Maybe, if he hung around her long enough, he could be comfortable with who  _ he  _ was.

“But seriously, Phillip, I don’t mind having you around. You have to promise me one thing, though.”

Phillip met her gaze with some trepidation. He hoped this condition wasn’t something he couldn’t give her. “What’s that?”

“You have to be the Phillip that I know is lurking inside, not the one everyone expects to see.”

“And if I don’t know how?”

“Then I’ll teach you. I know you’re better than what you show to the world. Let them see it.”

Phillip growled in frustration. “I’ve tried! For six months! All I accomplished was to further cement my family’s opinion of me. Not once did they ever acknowledge something I did right!”

“Don’t do it for them. Do it for  _ you _ . Tell me something, how did it feel when you did something, accomplished something that you knew was right? Did it feel good? Satisfying? Like you could do anything you set your mind to?”

Rather than spouting off the flippant answer on the tip of his tongue, Phillip took a moment and actually thought about it. When was the last time he’d done something right? Most of the things he’d done felt hollow. Hollow of purpose. Hollow of meaning. Just hollow. He supposed the most recent thing he’d done that made him feel worth something was getting lacrosse equipment in the shop and having the stock sell out several times over. The company had been skeptical of the store’s ability to sell it, Paul and Judd feeling the same way. He’d proven them wrong on that. Never heard a  _ Thank you _ or a  _ Good job _ nor did he receive a simple pat on the back. Nope. Nothing but crickets. Still, it had given him a much-needed confidence boost. Phillip relayed that experience to Rey.

“See?” She reached up and poked him in the forehead. “When you really apply what’s in there, you succeed. Sure, it feels good to be acknowledged, but it feels better knowing you’re not worthless. Don’t you think?”

He couldn’t help grinning because she was right. How was it that she could make him see the truth in that when he’d spent months in therapy and never had? Maybe because his therapist had been Tracy and he’d been too distracted. Or maybe he just hadn’t been ready to see it. Whatever the reason, he saw it, now.

“So, what do you think? Can you be Just Phillip around me?”

Phillip stuffed his hands into his pockets, his eyes dropping to the ground. “Once I know who Just Phillip is, then, yes. I make no guarantees around family.”

“Fair enough.” Rey wrapped her hand around his elbow. “How handy are you?”

With a smirk, Phillip pulled his hands from his pockets and held them up. “Double handy.”

Rey rolled her eyes and groaned but she did laugh so that was something. “I could use some help replacing the window shutters. They’re old. Want to help?”

“I guess I can try. I’ve never done it before. You sure you want me involved? I’ll probably just -”

Rey held up a finger, pointing it at him. “Don’t. Don’t say it. I’ll tell you what to do. All you have to do is follow my directions. If a mistake is made, it’ll be on me. Okay?”

What did he have to lose but time spent with her? “Sure. I guess.” As she led him back to the front, he asked, “Where did you learn all this? Woodworking. Metalcraft. Mechanics. Psychology.”

“I’ve done it all growing up. You learn to do what you have to in order to survive. What you call the psychology bit was simply based on what I’ve learned through my own life experiences.”

Phillip thought about asking her to expand on that, but held his tongue. A person’s past was, well, personal. If she wanted to share it, she would. Reaching the front yard, he happened to glance across the street and was certain he saw a curtain flutter as if someone had been standing there watching them. Indecision swamped him. Should he be here? No doubt, the instant he left, his mother would be over here, inundating Rey with questions, probably warning her to stay away from him.

As if she knew what was running through his head, Rey pulled him over to the first set of shutters and spun him so his back was to his mother’s house. “Ignore her.”

So, she’d caught the little movement, too. “But, Rey, if she comes over here the second I’m gone to ‘chat’ with you … ”

“So let her. She’s not changing my mind about being friends with you.”

Phillip gazed down at her, took in her sincere expression, and nodded with a hard swallow. Inhaling deeply and letting it out slowly, he said, “Alright. What do I do first?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. When You Have a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is more determined than ever to be friends with Phillip. Phillip pulls a minor disappearing act but returns having just begun a very important journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two! Flirting already, though if you were to tell them that, they'd look at you like you were crazy. Here's where the mental health issues begin to come into play ( a mention of a diagnosis here). Song lyric belongs to Demi Lovato

**_You’ll change inside when you realize, The world comes to life and everything’s bright, From beginning to end when you have a friend …_ **

**_\---- Gift of a Friend, Demi Lovato_ **

Rey stomped through her house as a means to expel her temper-fueled energy since it was too dark to do anything outside. Phillip had stayed long enough helping her out that she made dinner for the two of them. He’d regaled her with stories of the kooky previous owners. He’d been … nice. Normal. Not the least bit obnoxious or selfish, though his smart-ass tendencies did make an appearance once or twice. but those instances were more in jest than an attempt to insult. He’d even offered to go face his mother to prevent her from coming to Rey, but Rey figured she’d still come over and say whatever it was she felt needed to be said - and she’d been right.

No sooner had the rumble of Phillip’s motorcycle faded than the Altman matriarch was at Rey’s door, Linda at her side. Hillary swept in and immediately began the inquisition, not accepting Rey’s answers of just having met and were simply friends as truthful. When Hillary merely waved a dismissive hand and stated there was no such thing as being just friends with Phillip, that he was after only one thing, Rey wanted to growl at the woman that she didn’t know her son as well as she thought she did.

To top it all off, the woman started telling her all the things that Phillip had ever done wrong, adding a patronizing _Phillip is just Phillip_ _and no one understands why he’s that way_. Rey clenched her jaw tightly as she marched down her staircase. She appreciated the welcome she’d received by the two women but giving up on someone, much less her own child, was unforgivable in Rey’s book. For a psychologist, the woman was completely blind to her own issues. Wasn’t that the way of it, though? Experts in their fields who can help others but make a wreck of their own lives and not even see it or understand why? All the conversation/lecture did was make Rey more determined to befriend Phillip. Horry was right. He needed someone in _his_ corner.

In her kitchen, Rey grabbed a drink of water just as her phone rang. She didn’t have to check the display to know it was Phillip. She’d given him her number before he’d left with the instructions to call her anytime he felt he needed to talk or wanted to come by. He’d promised he’d call her once he thought his mother had left her alone. She took a drink, then took a steadying breath. The last thing she wanted was for Phillip to feel some misplaced guilt over his family’s overreactions.

Thinking of the proud smile on his face when he’d actually pulled down the old window shutters under her tutelage brought a bright smile to her own. That’s when she answered the summons. “Hey, Phillip.”

“Hey, pussycat.” His tone had her sitting up straight on high alert. “So, how did it go? Don’t even try to lie to me and tell me she didn’t show up the instant I was gone.”

He sounded so down that Rey couldn’t even rustle up any offense at the nickname. “I won’t. She did come by, her and Linda. Linda didn’t say a word, just lent moral support, I guess. Anyway, she said a lot. I let her speak, but I was very close to losing my temper and blasting her with it. The audacity! If she tries it again, I swear, I will not be holding back.”

Soft chuckles came over the line. “And that’s why I call you  _ pussycat _ . You look harmless but can do a lot of damage if provoked.” Silence stretched for a few seconds. “I’m sorry, Rey. You shouldn’t have to deal with them like this. I should have known better than to even look at you twice, but I just can’t seem to leave well enough alone.”

Now, he was starting to sound depressed and that worried her. “I’m glad you didn’t this time, Phillip. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten a really great friend. I wouldn’t have gotten to know the person you are, the real one. Where are you right now?”

“You think you know the real me? From one afternoon? How, when  _ I  _ don’t even know who I truly am?”

“Because we’re a lot alike, you and me. You may have had a family but you still felt alone because you didn’t fit in, still felt you had to do whatever it took to get any kind of attention from them. I was abandoned, Phillip. By my own parents. I grew up in foster homes, most of which were less than ideal. I  _ never  _ fit into those places. I  _ was  _ alone. I, too, showed people what they wanted to see.”

“Ah. Then, I guess you do know me. To some extent, I guess. You’re not like that anymore, though. You’ve gotten yourself together. What’s my excuse?”

Rey sat at her table, elbow on its surface, rubbing her forehead. “Phillip, don’t compare yourself to me. You can’t. Everyone deals with things in their own way.” He hummed but didn’t say anything else. “Hey, why don’t you come watch a movie with me?”

“Nah. It’s late. Thanks, though. Some other time. Well, I promised I’d call, so I did. I’ll talk to you later.”

Before she could even try to convince him to come over, the line went dead. Not at all liking how he’d sounded, Rey instantly redialed his number but reached his voice mail. She sent a text begging him to reconsider. He never responded. Placing her phone on the table, she propped her other elbow on the tabletop and dropped her head into her hands. Phillip was a virtual stranger, so why was she so concerned over him? She knew why, of course. Because he didn’t  _ feel  _ like a stranger. It may have only been one afternoon, but she felt she’d seen the real Phillip come out once he’d completely relaxed. They’d actually had fun, laughed a lot. 

By midnight, Rey resigned herself to not hearing from Phillip that night and went to bed, her phone on her nightstand just in case. She didn’t sleep well, tossing and turning, her mind on her newest friend. The first thing she did when she woke up the following morning was check her phone. Still nothing. Again, she tried calling. Voicemail. She sent another text, pleading with him to contact her, if only to let her know he was okay. If she knew where he lived, she’d show up on  _ his  _ doorstep, but she didn’t. She wished she could convince herself that Phillip wouldn’t do anything drastic, but given his history, it was possible that he would.

Restlessly, Rey went about her day, working on sculptures, on the old engine. Nothing held her interest. While she knew she shouldn’t feel this wrecked over someone she barely knew, that didn’t change the fact that she did feel that way and was highly concerned over the radio silence. She very nearly went to Hillary or Paul to see if either one of them knew where Phillip lived but the chances of that were slim, just as the chances of being lectured and receiving  _ I told you so _ were as high as could be. So, she stayed home, keeping her phone charged and in her pocket, often staring out the window and willing him to come riding down her street.

Two days later, he finally did. Sitting at her table that morning, staring at her silent phone, her head whipped up after hearing a low rumble, almost like thunder but not quite, down at the end of her block. Could it be? Bolting from her table to the living room window, Rey strained to look down her street. The throaty growl grew louder and, forgetting that she was dressed in the tank top and shorts she’d slept in, her hair in a messy bun, she darted out to her front lawn. Sure enough, there he was!

Internally, Rey was a mess. Relief that Phillip was okay battled with anger over his silence for dominance. Anger won out. She shook with the force of it. How dare he do that to her? How dare he make her worry needlessly over his well-being? Her heart echoed her footsteps as she stomped over to where he’d pulled up into her driveway, ready to smack him and verbally flay him alive for the past few days’ worth of anxiety the instant he shut off the bike. But then, he removed his helmet and sunglasses, killed the engine, and just sat there, not even meeting her eyes, his shoulders drooping. When he finally did look up at her, he did so with so much fear that her breath caught, her steps faltering. His posture said it all. He expected her to act like his family often did. Despite how mad she felt, she couldn’t do that to him.

Just like that, her temper cooled, relief over his reappearance flooding her system, bringing tears to her eyes. Slowly, she approached him. He hadn’t moved a muscle, nor had he looked away from her, his nervousness still shining in his eyes.

“You asshole,” she whispered. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.” Then, she launched herself at him, her arms encircling his shoulders, and buried her face against his throat, giving release to her tears.

After a few moments, Phillip replied in a bright tone that even Rey could tell was false. “That’s me, pussycat. Asshole extraordinaire. I thought you knew that.”

Chuckling through her tears, Rey pulled back and said some of what she’d wanted to earlier but with a lot less heat than she would have used. “I swear, Phillip Altman, you pull another stunt like that, I  _ will  _ find you and I  _ will  _ break that bike down into its parts and use them for my figurines.  _ Then _ , I will tear you apart piece by piece and use  _ you  _ as accessories for them. Feel me?”

Phillip cocked his head up and to the side in a decidedly obnoxious gesture that Rey actually laughed. It was such a Phillip maneuver. He’d done the exact same thing to his brother. The only thing that kept her from actually getting pissed at him was the little smile toying with his lips and the light of relieved humor in his eyes. Shaking her head with a mental eye roll, Rey stepped back.

“Come on inside. I haven’t eaten yet and I still need to get dressed. You can tell me what you’ve been up to.”

\----

“I started therapy again.”

Phillip cringed and leaned against the chair back at Rey’s table as she went about making breakfast after having dressed. He really hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. He’d planned to ease into it, but then, how did one ease into talking about seeking professional help?

Rey glanced over her shoulder from her spot in front of the stove, brows raised, but no derision in her expression. “Again?”

Tracing a shallow gouge in the table’s surface with his thumbnail, he sighed. “Yeah. Again. The first time around didn’t end so well.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rey plated up the scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, and toast and set one in front of Phillip. “Only if you want to. Don’t think you have to.”

Phillip stabbed a bite of egg with bits of red bell pepper and sliced chives and popped it into his mouth, stalling while he figured out what he wanted to do. Should he tell her about the Tracy fiasco?  _ Could  _ he tell her about it? What would she think of him? Would she roll her eyes? Smack him for being stupid? He and Tracy had used each other. He’d mistaken it for love when what it boiled down to was his need to feel wanted and her need to feel younger. That wasn’t to say the physical attraction wasn’t real; it most certainly was. It just wasn’t what he’d thought it was.

Halfway through his breakfast, Phillip elaborated. “The last woman I was with was six months ago. Older than me by, well, a lot of years. She … was my therapist.”

Rey’s eyes flew to his, wide open. Obviously, that hadn’t been what she’d expected. Not that he blamed her. “Your therapist?”

“We didn’t have a relationship  _ while  _ she saw me professionally.” Phillip lifted a shoulder. “I’m not even certain how long we were actually together. Long enough for me to think what we shared was love, and long enough to be sort of engaged. Engaged to  _ be  _ engaged was how she’d put it that week at the house after Dad’s funeral.”

“Oh. O-kay.”

Phillip chuckled softly at that. She obviously didn’t know what to make of it. If he were honest, he couldn’t be certain either. He had no idea what he’d been thinking. Well, he did, but he’d been so blind to reality. It seemed he’d been blind to reality for a long time. Well, that veil has been lifted and he was beginning to see things much clearer now, and he had Rey to thank for it. Sort of. Her insistence that he speak the truth and be himself around her prompted him to take a good look at his life and behavior. Once he’d done that, it had taken him a day to muster up the courage to call a specialist so he could understand why his default setting seemed to be set at  _ asshole  _ most of the time.

Rey set down her fork and pushed her plate away. Laying her folded arms on the table, she gazed imploringly at him. “So, why were you avoiding me? Just one message. It’s all I would have needed. I worried over you. You sounded so depressed when we talked last. I was scared for you, Phillip.”

Phillip stared at his plate, the food he’d eaten sitting heavily in his stomach. What he wanted to say stuck in his throat and he couldn’t get it out. Jumping to his feet, he began to pace, back and forth across the decently-sized room.

“I guess I was afraid of what you’d think of me, that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I’m a fucking mess, Rey. The therapist thinks I’m borderline narcissistic, that I’m depressed. He said he wouldn’t know for sure until we talked more, but that’s his current diagnosis. It’ll take years of therapy for me to be better, to affect a real change.”

Her chair scraped against the floor as she stood. Phillip didn’t dare look at Rey out of fear of what he’d see in her eyes, on her face. Panic seized his chest in its vice-like grip, his heart hammering at her approaching footsteps. He literally jumped when she took his hands into her own, giving them a light squeeze. Fearfully, he lifted his gaze to meet hers. What he saw in her eyes floored him. Compassion, not derision. Encouragement, not dismissal.

“Whatever is the case, Phillip, I’m here for you. I’m your friend and want to help however I can. By seeking out a professional, you’ve taken a huge step, and I applaud you for that. It couldn’t have been easy.”

A tidal wave of relief crashed through him, leaving him feeling shaky and weak. He hadn’t lost the only friend he could ever remember having, hadn’t lost the one person who seemed to understand him better than anyone else did, even himself. Pulling his hands from hers, Phillip engulfed her in a bear hug and simply held her while he gathered some control over himself. A minute or two passed before he dropped his arms and stepped back, clearing his throat.

Uncomfortable with the heaviness of their conversation, and her praise in particular, despite the warm feeling it had given him, Phillip plastered a devilish grin on his face. “How about another ride?”

“As much as I’d love to, I have work to do. Work first. Play later.”

“Oh, come on, Rey. You know you want to.” The instant the words left his mouth, Phillip held up a hand to forestall her reply, his therapist’s words to remain aware of his words and actions and how they affect others ringing in his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Let me help to make up for it.”

“Well, you really did do a good job on the shutters. I think you’re a lot handier than you believe yourself to be.”

“I’ve always been better at  _ de _ struction than  _ con _ struction.”

Rey shook her head, then flashed her impish grin. “I’ll have you building in no time - and it’ll be good.” 

Phillip straightened his back, standing proudly but not in an egotistical manner, waving a hand with a flourish. “Lead the way, then, pussycat.”

Rey glanced back at their plates and shook her head. “Eat first. I plan on working you hard. You’re going to want all the energy you can get.”

It was on the tip of Phillip’s tongue to make some suggestive comment but managed not to by biting his lip. He followed her back to the table and finished off what was left, every bite a burst of flavor on his tongue. Once the plates had been cleared and the dishes washed, he followed Rey like a little puppy out to the front of her house where she indicated the next set of shutters to be removed. Remembering her previous instructions, Phillip took the tools and set to work. He had to laugh at himself. This was more manual work than he’d done in years but surprisingly he didn’t really mind. It was the least he could do after causing Rey so much distress. He’d been certain she was going to tear him up one side and down the other. It still shocked him that she hadn’t. Mentally, he snorted. No, instead, she put him to work.

From a short distance away where Rey leaned against the house, she hesitantly asked, “If you don’t mind me asking, what prompted you to talk to a professional? If I’m being too nosy, just tell me to shut up.”

Phillip tensed, pausing in his effort to separate one shutter from the house, uncertain if he wanted to answer that or not. Ultimately, he decided he might as well. He didn’t want secrets to get in the way of their friendship. Besides, his therapist said it was a good idea for  _ her  _ to talk to someone if she was going to be in his life, no matter what capacity that took.

Flicking his eyes to her, he turned back to the work at hand, unable to maintain eye contact. He found it easier to not look at her while he spoke. About heavy stuff, anyway. 

“You did, actually.” it came out so softly he wasn’t sure Rey had even heard him since she was quiet. Chancing a peek, he found her staring at him, brows lifted high onto her forehead, lips parted slightly.

“Me? What? How?”

“The day we met. Do you remember what you said to me when you asked what I did for a living?” He glanced over at her again and saw she was thoroughly confused. He went back to work, slightly embarrassed.

“I do, but what does that have to do with anything?”

“It meant a lot to me to hear that.” Even now, days later, emotions swirled inside him like a whirlpool as he thought about it. He forced himself to swallow past the lump that cropped up in his throat. “You didn’t look at me badly or talk down to me. You didn’t see me as the Altman fuck-up but as a person. I realized I wanted to keep it that way and that, just maybe, a professional could help me understand my automatic responses to some situations.”

Rey was silent several moments. When she finally spoke, Phillip barely heard her. “Oh. Oh, Phillip. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Her voice wavered as if she were close to tears, drawing Phillip’s attention back to her. Her hands swiped across her cheeks but he saw the dampness in her eyes. Dropping his tools, he approached her, more than a little uncertain about the sudden urge he had to wrap her up in his arms and hold her, despite having already hugged her once. Once he stood directly in front of her, he stopped. He started to reach for her but halted his hands’ progress about halfway. Demonstrating affection was definitely not easy. It wasn’t something done in his family. Rey took the decision from him by wrapping her arms around him. Apparently, she didn’t have any such hang-ups. He wanted very much to be more like her.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry. Again. See? I’ve fucked-up again. It seems to be what I do. Probably won’t be the last time, though. Are you sure you want me as a friend? You can do so much better than me.”

Putting a little distance between them, Rey grabbed fist fulls of his shirt at his sides and gave him a good shake, actually getting him off-balance. “Don’t you ever let me hear you talk like that again. I told you. I’m here for you, Phillip. A friend doesn’t walk away just because things are more difficult than expected.” She gave him another teeth-rattling shake. “The sooner you get that through your thick skull, the better off the both of us will be.”

Phillip carefully unclenched her hands, half afraid she’d dig into his skin next. “Alright. Alright. You can put away your claws. I get the message. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though. And, asshole that I am, I’ll probably remind you of what you just said the next time I do something to upset you. You and I both know there will be a next time.”

Rey shook her head with a sigh, but Phillip saw the slight upturn of her lips. He’d made her smile, if not laugh, again, and it felt amazingly good. Feeling a little smug, he winked at her, grinning foolishly himself, before he walked back to the shutters and began working in earnest, while Rey started what he presumed would be a flower bed.

\----

As she worked the ground to prepare it for the flower bed she wanted to put in, Rey snuck peeks at Phillip. For someone who claimed to have no skill or experience using hand tools, he’d learned quickly - and truly wasn’t bad at it.  _ She’d  _ been his catalyst to seek help? That was humbling and frightening. What if something happened to break up their fledgling friendship? Would that send Phillip spiraling again? That was a hell of a burden to place on her. No way could she carry that alone. He had to shoulder the majority of it. 

Idly glancing around the neighborhood, Rey caught a quick movement in the bay window across the street. So, they had an audience again. Her fingers tightened on the shovel handle. Would she be getting another visit from the Altman matriarch? Well, the woman could talk until she was blue in the face. Phillip needed her friendship and she needed his. No amount of talking would convince Rey otherwise. In her opinion, the whole damn family needed therapy, and that included the psychologist mother. She had to give kudos to Phillip for wanting to break the cycle he’d fallen into. That would be the key to it all, she knew that much. He had to  _ want _ it, for himself, and he had to want it bad enough to stick with it, no matter what might become of their status.

With a hard jab of the handle into the ground that left the shovel standing upright, Rey wiped the sweat from her face. She joined Phillip on the other side of the window where he was working on pulling that one down. He nearly had it. One more pull, maybe two, and it would be decorating the ground rather than the window.

“Thirsty?”

With a crack of splintering wood, the shutter broke in two, the top half falling to the ground, the bottom stubbornly clinging to the house. “Fuck!” Phillip brushed his sleeve over his face, the action making his dampened hair stick up just a little. He glared down at the broken section of wood as if it breaking was a personal insult. To Phillip, it probably was. “Fuck!”

“It’s fine, Phillip. Don’t worry about it. Come on. Let’s take a break. Get out of the sun and get something to drink.” 

Rey grabbed the inside of his elbow and gave it a little tug, coaxing him to follow. After a second tug, he did, the tools thudding against the hard ground. Back in her kitchen, Rey cleaned her hands and retrieved two glasses, filled them with ice, then water. She handed one to Phillip, who downed about half of it before coming up for air. Plucking it out of his grip, Rey refilled it and handed it back with a warning to drink it slowly this time.

“So, if you could have any career, what would it be?”

Phillip looked over at her, glass halfway to his mouth and lowered it. Curiously, a sheepish expression crossed his face, color high in his cheeks. “I’m not really sure. Never stuck with anything long enough to decide whether I liked it. I got bored easily.” He let out a heavy breath through his nose. “I know I have to do  _ something _ . I just haven’t got a clue as to what that something is.”

Rey could understand that. For a long time, she didn’t really know what it was she wanted to do, either. “Hey, maybe you’ll find you like working with your hands.”

Phillip grinned suggestively, tilting his head a little, all but purring, “Oh, I definitely enjoy working with my hands. Have yet to hear any complaints.”

Ordinarily, the numerous suggestive remarks would have angered her. Knowing what she did about Phillip, she felt a little more tolerant, but that went only so far. As seriously as she could, she stared straight into his eyes, leaning forward slightly.

“Lay off the innuendo, Phillip. You’ve about hit your limit with me today.”

His face cleared of all expression, his eyes dropping to the glass he still held. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m glad you said something, though. I want you to keep doing that. Call me on something if you don’t like what I say or do.”

“That can certainly be arranged. And I know you don’t mean to upset me. You haven’t yet.” Rey downed the rest of her water and set the glass in the sink. “What do you say we get back at it? The sooner we get done, the sooner you can give me that ride you mentioned earlier.”

Repeating his earlier statement, he said with a wave of his hand, “Lead the way, pussycat.”

\----

When Phillip finally won the battle over the window shutter, his shout of triumph drew Rey’s attention. She grinned as she watched him taunt the broken pieces of wood, though she couldn’t quite make out what it was he said. She was no expert, of course, but she was of the opinion that the ego boost that accomplishment brought was a good thing. Phillip’s ego desperately needed boosting in that area like a starving man needed water and food.

He turned to face her, broad smile on his face, showing off the deep dimples that framed his mouth and his slightly crooked teeth. But then, his eyes skipped away from hers and the expression was wiped away as if it had never been there. Goosebumps broke out along Rey’s arms, suddenly aware of being watched - and judging by Phillip’s now blank face, she could guess by whom. Not bothering to glance over her shoulder, she focused on Phillip, hoping to break through his defensive wall once again.

“Hey, I think we deserve a break. How about that ride now?”

Phillip didn’t look down at her right away, didn’t respond at all for a few moments. When he did finally meet her eyes, Rey could see a whirling mix of anger, frustration, sadness, and confusion in them. Taking the tools from him after leaning her shovel against the house, she set them next to it, and proceeded to coax him into the house, saying she needed to get her helmet. Inside, away from the constant reminder of his mother staring at them as if waiting for him to do wrong, Phillip loosened up enough for Rey to let him go to get what she needed.

Not long after, the two of them were roaring down the road, heading for the highway. Because she sensed he needed the touch, Rey kept her arms loosely wrapped around his waist. They headed east. Rey had no idea where they were going, if anywhere in particular, but was content to go wherever if it meant Phillip could relax.

They rode for quite a while before Phillip exited the highway, navigated through a maze of streets, and pulled into a parking area near a beach. Quickly, he shut off the bike and removed his helmet, running his hand through his hair currently plastered to his head thanks to the head gear. The gesture made Rey grin. After setting the bike on its kickstand, he simply sat a few moments. Not wanting to bother him, she removed her own helmet and studied the scenery, delighted to find the ocean just across the beach from them.

Phillip’s shoulders rose with the deep breath he took before slowly lowering as he exhaled. “I often come here to think.”

He uttered the words so softly, Rey barely heard him, almost as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to say them aloud. He brought her  _ here _ ? To his special thinking spot? Why would he do that? Touched beyond belief, Rey casually reached up to swipe the moisture from her eyes.

“I like how peaceful it is,” Phillip went on, just as quietly. “Despite the people present and cars going by, it still has a certain silence to it that I find … serene.”

Quietly clearing her throat so she could speak without sounding as if she were on the verge of tears, Rey breathed in deeply, the salty air tickling her nose. “I can see why. There’s something about listening to the waves on the beach that’s relaxing, as if they’re taking away all your problems and worries each time they retreat from the sand.”

Phillip turned to look over his shoulder at her, a soft smile on his face. “You do get it.” After a long moment, he looked out over the ocean. To Rey’s surprise, he sang softly, “ _ I’m finally free. It’s only the ocean and me. _ ” He seemed to come back to himself, met her eyes again and grinned. “Let’s take a walk.”

Though she hated the idea of her shoes filling with sand, Rey wasn’t inclined to deny Phillip anything. “Alright.” She glanced at him quickly, asking casually, “So, what was that song? Don’t think I’ve heard it before.”

Twin spots of color tinted his cheeks, she saw once he’d removed his helmet and dismounted. “Only the Ocean by Jack Johnson. The first time I heard it - somewhere here if I remember correctly - it stuck with me.”

Leaving the helmets behind, the two of them meandered their way to the shoreline, then walked down the beach, just out of the reach of the water, dodging beach-goers when necessary. Neither of them spoke, but Rey felt conversation wasn’t necessary. They’d only gone a short distance when Phillip snickered and indicated a certain direction with his chin. A large man lay on a towel, eyes closed. Considering his once-fish belly- white skin now looked like a lobster, he’d been there a while.

“That’s gonna hurt later,” Phillip said, still chuckling. “Makes me wanna walk over and slap my hand on his shoulder in greeting. Or thump him really hard.”

Though she giggled, Rey playfully backhanded Phillip in his stomach. “Don’t be an ass.”

Phillip turned around so he faced her and walked backward, holding his hands out from his sides. “Haven’t you heard? It’s what I do.”

Interesting choice of words. Rey quickly pointed out her observation. “It may be what you  _ do _ , but it isn’t who you  _ are _ . There’s a difference, and I think you’re beginning to understand that.”

His hands dropping to his sides, Phillip raked his teeth over his bottom lip as he studied her. Rey didn’t mind. She knew she was right. She stared right back at him, eyebrows raised, daring him to contradict her. She grinned to herself when he returned to her side and walked along with her. Down the way, she spotted an ice cream stand. Her grin broadened and she grabbed Phillip’s arm, hauling him down the beach.

“I feel like some ice cream! My treat!”

While they awaited their turn, Phillip looked down at her, his own brows now raised, his lips spread widely. “Dessert before lunch? Naughty. I like it. We’ll eat after, I promise. I wasn’t really thinking about the time.  _ My  _ treat.”

“Don’t worry about it. I didn’t either.”

When it was their turn, Phillip didn’t hesitate. “A scoop of Rocky Road.”

Rey, on the other hand, couldn’t make up her mind, so asked Phillip what he thought. “Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough or Mint Chocolate Chip?”

Mid-lick of his ice cream, Phillip paused, meeting her gaze. For a brief moment, she thought she’d startled him. Surely,  _ someone  _ had asked his opinion before. Right? But then, the flicker of whatever she had seen was gone and he grinned, winking teasingly.

“Mint Chocolate Chip. You’re sweet but you have a bit of a bite, too.”

“Mint Chocolate Chip it is, then.” After paying for their cones and taking a few steps back in the direction they’d come, Rey added, “And if we’re analyzing our ice cream choices, I’d say yours is fitting.”

“Nutty, right?”

Rey tilted her head a little. “Not just that. Nutty, but there’s this sweet, fluffy side to you. It’s just that the nuts are the first thing people notice because they stand out more. You have to pay attention to the nuts or they’ll choke you. The rest is more subtle. Not to mention the path your life has taken has been definitely rocky.”

Phillip lowered his cone and stared at Rey for a moment, then smirked. “That’s probably the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Rey looked up from her own dessert, confusion furrowing her brow, her mind furiously trying to figure out what he meant. “What?” Phillip only continued to smirk. It finally clicked and Rey rolled her eyes, though she felt her cheeks burn. “That’s not what I meant. Good Lord. Eat your damn ice cream.”

Snickering, Phillip threw an arm over her shoulders. “I’m just messing with you. I know you didn’t mean it that way.”

“Good, because I’d hate to knock you down and steal your bike.”

Phillip let out a disbelieving laugh. “You wouldn’t be able to knock me over. I’m twice your size. Besides, I have the key.”

Rey shrugged, taking another bite of her cone, licking the cold sweetness from her lips. “The bigger they are, the harder they fall. All it would take would be a quick swipe of my foot against yours mid-step, coupled with a little shove. As for the bike, what exactly do I have sitting on the table in my backyard?” He seemed to think it over, his amusement quickly fading. “Uh huh. See?”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Rey shot him a look that clearly asked if he was daring her. “You think so?”

They walked a little farther, eating their ice creams, when Rey suddenly tangled her foot with his and hip-checked him, sending Phillip stumbling to his knees in the thick sand. Wasting no time, she shot forward, eating her dessert as fast as she could, thankful her scoop had been on the small side compared to Phillip’s. No doubt a flirtation by the young female worker. Rey did laugh at Phillip’s indignant shout, but she kept running, knowing his longer legs would eat up the ground faster than her shorter ones would and likely overtake her. By some miracle, she made it to the bike before he did. Wiping her hands on her shorts, grimacing a little at the stickiness, she perused the engine, searching for the battery and accompanying wiring.

Not two seconds later, Phillip joined her, laughing triumphantly at arriving before she could do a thing. The laugh cut off abruptly as he doubled over clutching the sides of his head, eyes screwed shut.

“Fuck, fuck …  _ fuck! _ Brain freeze! Ow, ow ow!”

Taking pity on him, Rey grabbed his hands and cupped them in front of his mouth. “Breathe into your hands like you would if you were on a date and wanted to check your breath real quick.” One eye popped open, full of questions he couldn’t verbalize. “Just do it, unless you’d rather wait for the pain to subside on its own.” He did. Once. “Keep doing it. It’ll work. Trust me.”

A few breaths later, Phillip straightened, pain obviously gone. “How did you know to do that?”

“Google.” Rey gave him a cheeky grin, getting him to laugh again. Canting her head toward the bike, she added, “Now you know not to dare me.”

Phillip held up both hands in surrender. “I shall never do it again.” One corner of his mouth curled into a smirk. “Until the next time. Come on. Let’s grab lunch.” Glancing at his watch, he winced. “Late lunch, early dinner. Either way, I’ll be getting you back later than planned.”

As they donned their helmets, Rey asked, “Do you hear me complaining?”

“No, but you wouldn’t, anyway. You’re too sweet.”

“But I  _ can  _ bite, remember.” The suggestive amusement she caught in his brown eyes had Rey scrambling to explain. “According to your ice cream analysis, at any rate.” She let out a breath in mock irritation as she took her seat. “Shut up and take me to lunch. Dinner. Whatever. I’m starving.” She waited until he was in front of her before she softly laughed. “You’re such an ass.”

“Yep.” As if to punctuate his agreement, Phillip revved the motorcycle engine several times before heading out of the parking lot to wherever it was he wanted to go to eat.

\----

Three days later, Phillip opened his eyes and blearily checked the time. Moaning, he flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling, his arms outstretched. He’d begged off helping Rey the last few days so he could spend the time with a girl he’d picked up after dropping Rey back at her house. He’d been down for some fun and the time he’d spent with the blonde had been, but not as much as he’d expected, and he couldn’t understand why. She’d been all curves and sass. In other words - not counting Tracy - his usual type of girl. So, then, why did he feel empty? Less enthusiastic? Even the sex had been rather vanilla, both of them getting off but he’d really had to work at it, and that was definitely new for him. 

He reflected back on the night before. Really, he should be happy the woman was gone because she’d played him. She had a boyfriend but was looking for some side action. That was another thing. Before, he hadn’t minded  _ being  _ the side action. In fact, he’d thought it the height of hilarity. It was all a game. Now, he felt different. All of it felt different. Wrong. Phillip draped an arm over his eyes. Had he really changed that much? Surely not. He’d only met with his therapist once.

No, it was probably just the woman. She obviously wasn’t the right one for him. Maybe he’d hook up with a pretty redhead. As soon as he had the thought, he backpedaled. Or not. Tracy’s hair had been red. He certainly wanted no reminders of  _ that  _ disaster. Maybe if the next mystery woman had strawberry blonde, he would be fine. Well, no sense lying here. He’d practically abandoned Rey, not having really spoken to her except by text and that was only briefly. A tinge of guilt settling in his gut left him confused as to its presence. Shaking off the feeling, Phillip climbed out of bed, showered, ate a bowl of cereal, and headed for Rey’s.

Pulling into her driveway, Phillip’s heart lurched at seeing Rey at the top of an extension ladder, attempting to remove one of the upstairs shutters, the ladder shaking a little with her efforts. Barely taking the time to turn off the bike and get it on its kickstand, he dumped his helmet halfway to her as he rushed to steady the ladder, grabbing it as it wobbled again.

He glared up at her, hands tightening on the ladder sides until his knuckles turned white. “Are you fucking insane?! I thought  _ I  _ was the crazy one here! You shouldn’t use one of these things without a spotter! Don’t you know that?!”

Rey glared balefully down at him, her face red and sweaty. “I do, thank you very much. I also know that I’ve been up and down extension ladders nearly my entire life with no incident. I know how to use the tools I have.”

“All it takes is once!” Just the visual of her falling, breaking a bone, or worse, sent shivers down his spine. Then came the sudden realization that she was tackling the shutters because he hadn’t been there to do it. He felt lower than low. “I’m sorry, Rey. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

Her expression eased into confusion. “What? Phillip, you have no reason to be sorry. Hang on, I’m coming down.” 

Phillip admired the ease with which she traveled the length of the ladder, hopping off the last few steps. She looked up at him, her head cocked slightly to the side. “Phillip, listen to me. You have a life to live. I’m not expecting you to spend it with me. Okay? Thanks for texting me, though. I did appreciate that.”

A bubble of some mix of pride and joy burst inside Phillip’s chest, spreading its warmth throughout his entire body. The feeling exhilarated him, left him energized and like he could take anything on. It was an addicting feeling, actually.

He squinted up at the shutter Rey had been working to dislodge. Plucking the tools from her hands, he began to climb. Rey grunted with irritation. “Phillip! I was working on that!”

“I know,” he called down at her, already halfway up the ladder. “Now, I am!”

“But it isn’t necessary! You don’t have to work every time you come over, you know.”

Having reached a good height to get maximum leverage under the shutter, Phillip grinned down at Rey, his face lit with excitement. “I know. I want to.” 

He really did and manual labor was something he used to avoid like the plague. With that, he wedged the chisel under the shutter, gave it a good whack with the hammer and began to pry the wood from the house, oddly feeling like he had some real purpose in his life.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Can't Go Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tropical storm hits. Power goes out leaving Rey and Phillip in the dark. Oh, what are they going to do?

**_Falling slowly, eyes that know me and I can’t go back …_ **

**_\-- Falling Slowly, The Frames_ **

Almost a month later, as Phillip made his way to Rey’s house ahead of a coming hurricane/tropical storm, whatever it turned out to be, he thought through what his therapist, Dr. Parker, told him. While he did display some narcissistic tendencies, he wasn’t  _ truly, clinically,  _ narcissistic. The penchant for such behavior - stemming from depression, of all things - was bad enough. Add in ADHD - which helped explain his impulsivity, ease of boredom, and rash decisions - mix, and voilà! Congratulations, you now have one Phillip Altman! A very fucked-up individual, indeed, in Phillip’s opinion. Thanks, Mommy and the mystery family member who also was ADHD. The good news was he could definitely change, learn to control his impulsive responses, learn to focus more, and make better decisions. The bad news was it could take a long time and a lot of work.

It had been an interesting discussion, that was for sure. Especially when conversation turned to Rey. They’d talked about all the things Phillip had done before in his life and how those things made him feel. Phillip admitted that he felt indifferent toward them, that they didn’t seem to affect him now the way they did. Not even his current girlfriend, the lovely raven-haired, icy-blue-eyed, cherry-red-lipped Wynter Ferguson. While they had fun together, something didn’t feel right, and it was unsatisfying. He just couldn’t put his finger on what it was that was off and it bugged him mercilessly. When asked what he’d been doing the last time he felt fully engaged, happy, and fulfilled, Phillip’s immediate answer of spending time with Rey surprised both of them. Dr. Parker’s brows lifted and he made a few notes but, frustratingly to Phillip, didn’t say anything. What surprised Phillip was that he hadn’t needed to think about the question at all. Was that normal? The good doctor merely hummed and wrote some more then declared their time to be up.

Phillip cursed as fat raindrops began to fall and a sudden breeze picked up just as he pulled into her driveway. When he’d left his place, low-hanging, gray-white clouds blocked out the weak morning sun but now, they seemed to have accumulated enough moisture to boil angrily, building, dark and ominous. All the forecasters predicted the weather would hold off another day or two. It appeared they were wrong again. Rey burst from her front door just as the drops picked up speed, stinging when they hit unprotected skin. The wind whipped around like fury unleashed.

“Are you crazy?! What the hell are you doing here, Phillip?! You should be home! The storm’s coming in!” She changed tactics, waving away her own words. “Never mind. Bring that around the back. We’ll put it on the covered patio to protect it. I hope.”

Back inside, not quite drenched but wetter than he preferred, Phillip met Rey’s eyes sheepishly. “I thought we had more time.”

“Obviously.” She disappeared a few moments, returning with a towel, which she tossed him. “Here. Dry off with that as best you can.”

Phillip scrubbed his hair with the deep blue towel, getting as much moisture out as he could before rolling up his sleeves and wiping down his arms. Toeing his shoes off, he left them by the back door, not wanting to track muddy shoe prints all over her house. Rey, too, was toweling off, but the expression she wore said she had something on her mind. Though he wanted to bring it up, he figured she might not want to talk to him about it. If she did, she’d say something when she was ready.

From his pocket, Wynter’s ringtone sang  _ I Want Your Sex _ . Hastily, he grabbed it before it could repeat the one-liner too many times. “Wynter?”

“Phillip, where are you? It’s pouring down rain!”

The slight whine in her tone kind of made Phillip cringe. That was one thing he always hated. “I’m at Rey’s. I told you I was stopping by here to make sure everything was okay.”

“At Rey’s?! What, the girl can’t take care of her own shit?! Are you screwing her?!”

Phillip pulled the phone from his ear at Wynter’s screeching, then realized Rey could hear every word and the idea made him wince. Putting the phone back to his ear, he said, “Hold on a second.”

After setting two mugs of instant cocoa in the microwave to heat, Rey took his towel and replaced it with a dry one for when he felt like sitting. “I don’t have anything that would even remotely fit you so the towel will have to do. I don’t really drink coffee. Sorry.” 

“That’s fine.”

From the phone still in Phillip’s hand, Wynter’s accusing voice cried out, “Phillip, are you taking off your clothes?!”

The microwave beeped, signaling the cocoa was ready. Rey grabbed a spoon, a mug, and disappeared into the living room, giving him privacy. Picking out his own spoon and mug, he stirred the hot drink and finally responded to his girlfriend.

“No, it’s nothing like that, Wynter. Rey’s a friend. I’ve told you that before.” He took a cautious sip of his drink and winced at the heat, quickly swallowing before it could completely scald his mouth.

“But she said something about a towel and nothing for you to wear.”

Now the woman was pouting. Jesus, how had he not noticed this before? Closing his eyes, Phillip tried for patience. “Wynter, she gave me a towel to dry off with. It  _ is  _ raining out, after all.”

“I still don’t understand why you felt the need to go over there. What about me?”

God, was she a woman or a little girl? She was sounding more like a petulant child. He apparently needed his head examined. Phillip snorted. Good thing he actually  _ was  _ getting his head examined then.

“Because she’s a friend. This isn’t news to you. Are you saying I can’t be concerned for friends? Because if that’s the case, then, we have a problem.” Phillip was starting to think they had a problem anyway.

Wynter suddenly backtracked, her voice sounding horrified that he’d drawn that conclusion. “What? No, of course not! I didn’t mean for it to sound like that! Are you going to make it over at all?”

Phillip stared out the window in the back door at the slanting, driving rain pounding the earth like bullets, the precipitation so thick, now, that he could barely make out the gazebo she had across the yard. He absolutely was  _ not _ going anywhere.

“Not in this downpour, I’m not. Sorry.”

“You don’t sound like it.”

His patience worn thin, he snapped, “What the fuck do you want me to say? You want me to risk my neck to get to your place? Not happening. I might have done it once upon a time, but not now. Come to think of it, I probably  _ wouldn’t  _ have done it before. I may be crazy but I’m not stupid. Look, we’ll talk again once this storm blows over.”

“But that could be days!”

The house creaked from the force of the wind. “You’ll live, I’m pretty sure. Besides, isn’t absence supposed to make the heart grow fonder?”

A heavy, annoyed sigh came over the line. “Whatever. Fine. Just stay there, then. Don’t think of me when you’re fucking  _ her _ .” Click.

Phillip nearly launched his phone at the far wall, his arm cocked and ready to let fly, teeth clenched, but he stopped himself, inhaling deeply. This was certainly a side to Wynter he hadn’t seen before. Was it due to the storm or was this her true self? He had something to think about. Stuffing his phone back into his pocket, hoping his jeans weren’t too wet for it, he took another cautious sip of his cocoa, and wandered into the other room

Rey looked up from her position in an armchair, book in her lap. “Everything okay?”

Phillip shook his head and hesitantly sat on her couch, positioning the towel she’d given him into place first. He was just glad he hadn’t gotten  _ too  _ wet because there wasn’t much worse than having to wear soaked denim. Talk about chafing.

“Hell if I know anymore.” He sat still, brooding, for a moment, then turned sideways to face Rey. “Why is it so hard to believe you and I are friends and nothing more? Is it really that difficult?”

“I don’t know. Men and women are friends all the time. It sounds like she has a problem with it, though.”

Phillip dropped his gaze to the couch beside him, confused but also irritated. “I’m not going to walk away from our friendship, Rey. Which likely spells the end of me and Wynter.”

“Are you sure? I mean, she’s your girlfriend. I’m just a friend. Shouldn’t she take precedence?”

Phillip leaned forward, elbows propped on his knees, cupping his mug, his eyes hard as he met Rey’s gaze. “You’re not  _ just  _ anything. You’re my  _ friend _ . If she can’t understand that and accept it, then I don’t want her around.”

“Phillip, no!” Rey set her hot drink on the side table and sat forward, concern twisting her features. “I don’t want to be the reason you two split up.”

She looked as if she was about to cry. He couldn’t stand that. Phillip motioned her over to sit next to him. Actually, he had to coax her to, scooting down so he was close enough to take her hand and give it a light tug. She finally complied. He scooted back down to make room for her, realizing a little late that the towel hadn’t gone with him.

“Sorry.”

Rey waved away his apology, picking up her mug again. “It’s fine.”

Now that she sat beside him, Phillip dropped her hand, the discussion with his therapist ringing in his head. Turning to face her, he softly cleared his throat. “Rey, your friendship means a lot to me. I know I’ve said that before. I had to have. If not, well, I’ve said it now. If anyone I date can’t handle the fact that you and I are friends, and wants me to choose, I’ll be choosing you. The right person for me isn’t going to ask that of me. That’s one of the things I’ve figured out.” 

“I - I don’t know what to say. I cherish our friendship, too, but I can’t help feeling responsible for any of your relationships that don’t work out. That said, I think it’s pretty amazing that you’ve come to that conclusion.”

The house creaked under the pressure of the wind, rain beating heavily against the roof and ground. The power flickered once, twice, then went out. With the shutters over the windows, the darkness was near absolute. Phillip couldn’t see much of anything. Reaching out a hand, he found Rey. Or rather, he found a part of her. A soft, round part. He heard a quick intake of breath. The second it registered where his hand had landed, he snatched it back as if he’d touched fire. He might as well have because the fire transferred to his face.

“Oh, fuck, Rey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to - ”

“No, no. It’s okay. I know you didn’t. Let me find some candles.”

Phillip heard a soft  _ clink _ as her cup settled on the coffee table. Standing, he dug into his pocket, tapped a few things and suddenly a bright beam of light shined onto the coffee table and floor. “Here. Take this.”

“Thanks. You hold it and I’ll gather and light candles.” As they made their way into the kitchen, Rey snickered. “Bet you never thought you’d apologize for touching a breast.”

Phillip’s jaw dropped. He had  _ not  _ expected Rey to bring that up, had thought she’d just not say anything at all. He would have preferred that, actually. He supposed he should have known better. He dragged a hand through his hair, running his teeth over his bottom lip. 

“Not someone of legal age, no.” Deciding to have a little fun, he added, “Well, there was that time with Mommy’s friend. Definitely of legal age, that one.”

Rey stopped in her tracks and whirled to stare at him, mouth hanging open. “You did not! Did you?”

Just the thought sent him into full body shudders. “Ew, no! Of course, I didn’t! I’m crazy. Not stupid. I may be desperate at times, but not that desperate.”

“Phillip, you’re not crazy or desperate.” Rey playfully smacked him in the gut. “You’re just an ass sometimes. Come on. I keep the candles and matches over here.”

Using his phone’s flash for light, Rey retrieved enough candles for the kitchen, living room, the bathroom, her bedroom, and the spare room. Upstairs, she led him to the spare room. “You can sleep in here, if you’d like.”

Though he couldn’t tell much about the room as far as decorations went, the bed, he was sure was at least a queen size. “Even if you’ve decorated this room in pinks and flowers and glittery girly stuff, I’ll take it. I don’t often do too well on couches.”

“Pink? Flowers? Glitter?” In the light of his phone flash, Phillip could easily see Rey scrunch up her nose in such absolute disgust that he laughed. Her expression cleared as her eyes quickly tracked over him. “No, I can’t imagine trying to sleep on a couch would be very comfortable for you.” She placed a candle and matchbook on the bedside table, just as she had in her own room. “You can light it whenever you’re ready.”

Phillip simply shrugged. “I’ll do it later tonight. I don’t want it burning while I’m not here to watch it.”

On their trek back down the stairs to the living room, Rey grabbed her phone from where she’d left it and turned on a flashlight app. “Save your battery. You might want it at some point. If you need it, I do have extra battery packs.”

Phillip checked his battery reading then noticed something else. “Doesn’t really matter. Cell service is down anyway.”

Rey suddenly turned to face him. “Sorry I didn’t ask this before but are you cold? How wet are your clothes?”

Yes, he felt a bit chilled, and yes, his clothes were damp, but he didn’t want to say so. What was the point? He didn’t have anything he could change into. Besides, without any airflow in the house, the air would be turning stuffy and warm anyway.

“I’m fine, Rey. Don’t worry about me. It’ll be getting fairly warm in here pretty soon without any way to stir the air.”

“So, you  _ are  _ cold, then. Why didn’t you say anything?” Before he could even think of a reply, she marched over to a hall closet and pulled out a blanket. “Here. Wrap up in this.”

“Rey - ”

“Phillip, just do it! Take your shirt off so it can dry.”

Phillip grinned wolfishly. “You know, if you wanted me out of my clothes, all you had to do was ask.”

Rey groaned, gathered their mugs, and headed for the kitchen. “I’m not even dignifying that with an answer. I’ll make some more cocoa. I’m so glad I have a gas stove.” After a moment, she called out from the other room, “What about your jeans? Do they need to dry? If you’re going to be accused of something, you might as well have actually done it, right?”

Phillip paused in removing his t-shirt to think that over. There was definitely something to be said for that, he supposed. Going shirtless in Rey’s proximity was one thing. Going shirtless  _ and  _ jeans-less was something else entirely. However, he couldn’t deny that his clothes could stand to be hung up to dry, especially his jeans. He waffled over the decision for several moments, pacing short distances as he did so. In the end, he decided to just do it. He could feel the chafing already. The sooner his clothes dried, the sooner he could be fully clothed again. He snorted at himself. That was probably the first time he preferred to have his clothes  _ on  _ while around an attractive woman.

Heart pounding like a drum in his chest, he slowly finished pulling the shirt over his head. Attractive? Where had that thought come from? His mind conjured up a mental image of her, smirking up at him. He supposed she could be … to some. Not to him, though. She never had him reacting like many other women did. Not once had he ever had any impure thoughts about her.

_ The last time you felt happy, fully engaged, and fulfilled, what were you doing? _

_ Spending time with Rey. _

Phillip stood stock still, clutching his shirt to his chest, almost in a panic. No. Surely, he wasn’t - no, he couldn’t be. He wasn’t starting to … develop  _ feelings  _ for Rey, was he? He mentally recoiled at the thought. No. He’d just had a random observation about her physical appearance. That was all. Relieved, he dropped his shirt onto the couch and quickly divested himself of his jeans, letting out a little sigh over getting the damp, somewhat scratchy and stiff material off. After emptying his pockets onto the coffee table, he set his jeans next to his shirt and wrapped himself in the blanket, sitting again on the other end of the couch.

Rey came in not two seconds later, handed him a fresh mug, and taking in his discarded clothes, she nodded and set her own mug on the coffee table. With his shirt in one hand and his jeans in the other, she turned to him. “Please tell me you’re not one of those types to go commando. If so, you can keep that blanket.”

Phillip grinned up at her. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Not really, no. I guess I’ll find out if my blanket goes missing.”

“Relax. I don’t because …  _ ouch _ . There are sensitive things that would be very displeased if I were to do something like that.”

“Good to know. I guess. I’ll hang these up. Drink your cocoa this time.”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Oh, God, please, Phillip, do  _ not  _ compare me to your mother. I’m not like her.”

His amusement faded instantly. Quietly, he said, “No. You’re not. Thankfully.” Lifting the mug to his lips, he carefully took a small sip, enjoying the warmth, feeling it hit his stomach and spread throughout his body.

A few minutes passed before Rey returned, picked up her mug, and curled up in her chair. Neither of them spoke, but Phillip never minded the silences between them. They never felt awkward. He never felt the need to fill them with mindless chatter unlike with some people. The light from the three candles Rey had lit in the room flickered, making shadows dance across the walls. Outside, the storm did its level best to flatten everything in its path.

“Why have I never seen you with anyone?”

Rey paused in taking a sip, lowering her mug before she did. “What?”

Phillip winced. He hadn’t really meant to ask that. It just came out. “Sorry. That was rather intrusive. Personal. It’s just … I’ve never seen you with another guy. Why not?”

This time, she actually did and Phillip could see from the face she made it was still quite warm. One shoulder lifted momentarily. “I don’t know. The last time I dated anyone it kind of was a disaster. I figured I could focus my energies on something more productive.”

Phillip hummed a noncommittal sound. That was too bad. He thought she’d make a great girlfriend for someone. She was honest, sincere, funny, and she listened. Oh, and she was pretty. What more could anyone want? He froze with the mug halfway to his mouth. There was that thought again. Why did that keep popping into his head? He gave his head a quick shake, hoping to knock the thought out of his brain. He sipped his cocoa and listened to the storm.

\----

Rey opened her mouth to say what it was she’d wanted to tell Phillip but shut it again. Should she wait until she knew if any of her creations actually survived the storm? She should, right? Glancing over at Phillip, she gasped, then covered it with a little cough, trying to play it off as if she’d taken too large a sip of her cocoa. Shadows played over his upturned face, setting into stark relief some of his features. He’d looked chiseled from stone but in a good way.

Pulling her eyes away, she dropped them to stare into her cup, confused. Rey snuck another peek. His head remained against the wall behind him, the candlelight softly kissing his cheekbones, the bridge of his nose, a spot on his chin - the hairs there haloed with golden light - and a section of his neck. She’d never given any thought to how he looked. Her mind promptly provided her with a memory of Phillip working on putting new shutters up after removing the old ones, the way he seemed to radiate a happiness she couldn’t remember him having when she’d first met him. In her mind’s eye, she saw his deep-set eyes, his aquiline nose, full lips, the beauty marks dotting his face. She supposed there was a certain appeal there. Very individualistic. His features on anyone else wouldn’t work.

Again, she dropped her gaze to her cup, her brows knitting together. Why? Why was she noticing these things? Phillip was her friend. Nothing more. She didn’t have  _ any  _ romantic feelings for him. Her heart leaped into her throat. Oh, God! She didn’t, did she? Rey thought very hard about what she felt toward Phillip. Yes, they had fun together. Yes, he made her laugh. And, okay, so maybe she felt more … settled … around him, but that wasn’t anything to suggest she was  _ attracted _ to him. Her heart didn’t pound in her chest. Her blood didn’t sing in her veins. She didn’t get short of breath. Nothing happened down south. What a relief! How awkward it would have been if she’d suddenly become romantically interested in, well, her best friend, really! She wasn’t his type, anyway, so it was a  _ really  _ good thing she wasn’t the least bit attracted to him.

Listening to the wind and rain attack the house left her cringing over what she’d find once it passed. “I’ve been thinking,” Rey said softly into the relative silence, drawing Phillip’s gaze. “You once said something about helping me sell my metal art. Are you … still willing to do that? If, of course, I have anything left after this.”

Phillip lifted his head from the wall, took a quick sip, then sat forward, his elbows on his knees, the blanket wrapped loosely around him. “Of course, I am. I told you I’d help you whenever you were ready.”

Rey inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. “I think I’m ready. But then, after this,” she motioned vaguely around them, “I may not have anything left.” A horrible thought occurred to her, widening her eyes. “Oh, my God, your bike! I hope it’s okay. It sounds like the storm has whipped itself into a fury out there. If something happens to it - ”

“Rey, relax! I’m sure it’ll be fine!” His lips twitched as if he held back a grin. “And if not, well, you’ll have more stuff to work with, then, won’t you?”

Rey gasped at his cavalier attitude and leaned forward to smack his shoulder. “That’s not funny! How can you joke about something like that?!” 

To her horror, her eyes filled, remembering another time long ago she’d been held responsible for damage done to a precious item. Pressing her lips together to fight the onslaught, Rey dropped her head to the back of her chair, her eyes locked onto the ceiling, hoping and praying Phillip hadn’t noticed. But of course, he had.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey. It’s okay. It’s not a big deal.” He reached out a hand and lightly took hers, giving it the gentlest of tugs. “Come here.”

Rey resisted at first, but he wouldn’t let up, so she let him pull her over to the couch with him for the second time. The blanket fell away from his shoulders to pool in his lap, keeping him decent. Turning so he could sit in the corner of the couch, he draped an arm across her shoulders and held her against him, her head resting against his neck, his skin cozily warm. She had to admit, it felt nice to be comforted. Mentally, she ranted at Phillip’s family for not seeing this side of him. One day she’d blast them all for their blindness. 

Phillip’s hushed voice vibrated against her forehead when he spoke. “So, what’s up? You don’t  _ have  _ to talk if you prefer not to, but you can. I’ll listen.”

And, oh, did that bring on the waterworks! Bringing her knees up, Rey curled into Phillip’s side, struggling not to break completely, only to fail miserably when she felt his fingers comb through her hair. Through her sniffling, she explained one of her earliest memories.

“When I was around four or five, I was in this one foster home that had a dog, big one. A Lab, I think. Rambunctious thing. Anyway, I was a little scared of it because it was hyper and jumpy and was bigger than me. Well, it jumped on me, pushing me against a side table containing a very expensive, very precious heirloom vase. The vase overbalanced and fell, breaking into several pieces. Then, of course, I fell right on top of it.”

Holding her left palm up, she traced the line that bisected it at an angle, faintly visible in the low light. “That’s how I got this. It’s hard to see now.”

Phillip tensed and Rey knew he’d figured out where this trip down memory lane was heading. He still asked. “What did your foster parents do?”

Rey wiped the moisture from her cheek and shuddered out a sigh. “They yelled at me for egging the dog on, for inciting his behavior. They made me clean up the mess, making sure I got every little sliver of porcelain there was to find, all the while ranting at me for breaking something that had been in the family for hundreds of years. Then, they, uh, sent me to my room and locked me in. For three days, they only let me out to use the bathroom. They gave me water, but not much to eat. Some fruit, I think. An apple and banana, maybe.”

“The fucking bastards! Goddamn! I am so fucking sorry, Rey.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s not mine, either. It took me going to therapy to learn that. It’s why I’ve become so independent, I guess. Even though, up here,” Rey tapped her temple, “I know it wasn’t my fault,” she lowered her hand to her chest, “in here, I still get that initial jolt of guilt when something like that happens.” She laughed, though it held more sarcasm than humor. “Even when weather causes it to happen. I always, initially, feel as if there was some way I could have prevented whatever the thing was that happened.”

“How long were you there?”

“I don’t know how long prior to that, but afterward, the day they finally let me out of my room was the day they told me they were done with me and sending me back.” She shrugged halfheartedly. “It was just the first, that I can remember, in a long list of places.”

“Well, they’d better hope I never figure out who the hell they are or they’re going to fucking pay. All of them, those who treated you poorly. I hope they’re not still in the system.”

“Don’t go looking for trouble, Phillip.” She uncurled herself from Phillip’s side, intending to move. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Phillip, however, tightened his hold on her, not letting her get far. Pulling her back into place. “I’m glad you did. I’d like to hear about all of it. I’ll even throw in a few childhood stories of my own. Tit for tat, if you will.”

Other than her therapist, Rey had never told anyone about her childhood, but she found Phillip so easy to talk to that she spilled it all. It wasn’t all bad. She had a few good memories, too, which she shared and they laughed over. By the end of her emotional journey into the past, Rey was yawning. Again, she made to move, and again, Phillip prevented her from it.

“Take a nap. I might just do the same.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind moving. You might be more comfortable if you could move around.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I hadn’t meant it. Besides, I’m fairly comfortable as I am.”

Swamped with a sudden wave of lethargy, Rey closed her eyes, humming. “Yeah, surprisingly, you  _ are  _ kind of comfortable.” She drifted off feeling his heart beating steady and strong in the pulse at the base of his neck.

\----

A painfully loud  _ crack!  _ followed by the sizzling sound of electrical things being fried startled Rey awake, Phillip jerking to awareness at the same time. “What the fuck was that?” A loud  _ thump  _ from the roof made him jump to his feet, his eyes on the ceiling. “What the fuck was  _ that _ ?” After a moment, he looked down at Rey. “Stay here.” After untangling his feet from the blanket, he headed for the kitchen.

Rey jumped to her feet, indignant. “Like hell I will!” 

Jumping over the discarded blanket pooled on the floor, she fell into step right behind Phillip, too busy worrying about what they’d heard to pay any attention to the fact he had a lot of skin on display. With the windows behind protective shutters, the only way to know for sure what they’d heard was to open the back door and check. A dangerous proposition, to be sure. And very unwise. They did it anyway - and instantly spotted a long, thick tree limb lying in the backyard, one end jagged and torn. A flash of lightning lit up the sky.

Phillip pointed up at the tree the branch had once been a part of. “Lightning must have struck it. Good thing it wasn’t the entire tree that came down or you may not have a house anymore.”

“Well, I can’t do anything about it now. It’ll wait until after all this passes. How’s the bike?”

Phillip took a quick look, the wind furiously tousling his hair. “Still standing and looks damage-free. I’ll worry about that later. Help me get the door shut.”

With their backs to the door, they fought the wind as if it was a roaring, snarling beast that had finally found its prey and wanted it badly. By the time they did get it shut, the relief was so complete they broke into laughter. Laughter that slowly faded as gazes met and she realized he stood next to her in, well, next to nothing. Rey found it impossible not to notice his broad shoulders and well-muscled chest. Before her eyes could wander any farther south, she jumped away from the door, heading for her cabinets since it was past noon.

“Let me see what I can find us for lunch.” Her voice came out sounding a bit strained. She hoped he didn’t notice or that he chalked it up to the close call with the tree.

“That sounds good. I’m going to go check my clothes. They should be dry enough now.”

Rey held her breath until she was certain she was alone, then let it out in a rush. What had just happened? Holy Hell, Phillip was built! She reached for a box of spaghetti. Her hand trembled and she closed it into a fist. What was wrong with her? This was Phillip! Why was she reacting this way to him? Maybe he was right. Maybe she  _ should _ get out there and date someone. That’s all this was, right? It had been too long and now she was simply reacting to whomever was available. Yes, that had to be it! It was natural for a girl to react to someone of his stature, wasn’t it? That’s why so many well-built men were used on romance novel covers, after all. Steadying herself with a deep breath, Rey shoved her thoughts from her mind and pulled out the spaghetti and fixings for some sauce.

By the time everything was ready, Phillip walked back into the kitchen, fully dressed. With a teasing grin, Rey said, “You’ve perfected your timing. Stay gone long enough, you don’t have to help with meal prep.”

Phillip appeared startled for a moment and Rey wondered if she shouldn’t have teased him. She nearly apologized and said she hadn’t meant it when he grinned cheekily at her. “That’s me, pussycat. Do as little work as possible.”

Rey actually snorted. She knew better than that. Phillip had proven time and again he was willing to work and work hard and the new shutters currently protecting the windows testified to that. Draining the pasta into a bowl, she set it on the table, along with a pair of tongs. Another, smaller, bowl of thick, chunky sauce went next to it, a small ladle inside ready and waiting.

“You didn’t have to do all of this.”

Rey shrugged as both of them took seats across the small table from each other. “It was the best option. Trying to conserve whatever cool air in the fridge there is. A wasted effort, depending on how long we’re without power, but that’s how it goes, I guess.”

Since her metal art had pretty much weathered the storm so far where they had been tucked into a corner, Rey brought up the subject of selling them and how Phillip thought he could help. That conversation took them through lunch and halfway through the afternoon. Once a plan had been selected, Phillip insisted on clean-up duty, so Rey pulled out more candles to switch with the ones that had been lit for several hours and a flashlight.

Both of them back in the living room, not much time passed before she noticed Phillip fidgeting. Though he appeared calm enough with his head back against the wall and his eyes closed, his fingers tap, tap, tapped against his thigh or his knee bounced just a tiny bit here or there. Getting antsy, most likely. She had known the feeling of needing to move around and been unable to several times. She cast about for something that would help take his mind off being stuck there with her.

From her hall closet, she retrieved a few board games, not knowing which he’d like or if he would play any of them. The games were remnants of her time before she moved. She’d hoped, in this new place, she’d make some friends who would like to play. The games were worth a shot, though. With her arms full, Rey went back into the living room.

“Willing to play a game?”

Sitting up, Phillip eyed the game boxes. “What do you have?”

Rey set them down on the coffee table. “Mastermind. Operation: Star Wars Edition, so you have to ‘operate’ on BB-8. Battleship. Clue. Anything sound interesting enough?”

First up was Battleship. A few rounds of that - Phillip winning the majority - was followed by a few rounds of Clue, to which Rey took the most games. Operation took so long due to both of them setting the buzzer off that they only played a couple rounds, each taking one. Lastly came Mastermind. Rey thought she was pretty good at the game but Phillip proved he was no slouch, either. She wasn’t too surprised by that. She’d known he had a sharp mind; he just had to have a good outlet in which to apply it. After calling a draw after five games, Rey stacked the boxes on the table but left them there. For dinner, she opened a can of chili and a bag of corn chips.

A few hands of poker took place after dinner before they parted ways for the night. As she lay in bed, waiting for sleep to claim her, her mind drifted back to that moment she and Phillip had gotten the door shut. Had there been … something … in his eyes? Or had it just been a trick of the light? Nah, it must have been the lighting, which was a good thing. Rey rolled onto her side, a heavy sigh sliding between her lips. Closing her eyes, she focused on relaxing. Eventually, it worked. Her dreams, however, were filled with broad shoulders and well-toned pecs and arms.

\----

The storm finally blew itself out two days later. Phillip went to check on his bike. Rey stepped out the front door to unshutter the windows. Her poor flower beds were a mess, the flowers themselves either uprooted and scattered or beaten down to the ground. She’d have to start all over. Oh, well. At least the ground was soft enough. From across the street, a door opened and someone called out.

“Hey, need some help?”

Rey looked over. Ah, the middle Altman brother, Judd. She hadn’t met him yet, which, in a way, was a surprise considering they lived in the same area, but also  _ wasn’t  _ that much of a surprise because he didn’t visit his mother and Rey didn’t go to the sporting goods shop, not counting the day she’d met Phillip. Rey knew Judd to be about ten years older than the youngest brother and as Judd drew closer, she could tell by the subtle lines on his face.

Rey didn’t answer until he stood next to the curb. “Nah. I’ve got these.”

Next door, Horry stepped out to survey his and his mother’s yard, munching an apple. Rey gave him a quick wave, as did Judd. Then, the middle brother pointed to the upper level shutters. “What about those?”

“Nope. I’ve got those, too.”

About that time, Rey’s front door opened and out stepped Phillip. “Rey, I was thinking about that branch and - ”

Rey’s gaze darted between the two brothers, uncertain as to which was more surprised to see the other. 

Horry, almost comically, though very casually asked of Judd, “Didn’t you know? Phillip’s been over here helping Rey with various things around the house for the last month or so.”

As she watched, Phillip’s demeanor went from calm and relaxed to tense and sarcastic, starting with the smirk he wore.

“Well, hello, Judd. Nice of you to pull yourself away from little Chloe-Grace and Penny long enough to check on Mom.” With faked enthusiasm, he added, “Oh, I know why you’re here. Mom sent you over, didn’t she? Or, was it your idea? Come to warn Rey about me, too? Never mind, let me do it for you.” 

Phillip turned to face Rey. “Rey, don’t you even think of hanging around me. I’m a terrible person and am likely going to hurt you somehow in the end.” To Judd, he asked, “Does that about cover it?”

“Don’t be an ass, Phillip.”

Rey couldn’t hold her tongue this time. “Well, what the hell do any of you expect? The way you all are so quick to jump on him whenever he makes a mistake but never bother to thank him or give him a kind word when he’s done something positive! Is it any wonder he acts like that around all of you?”

Judd straightened up, stepping back at her verbal assault. “Rey, I think I know my own brother. He’s not going to change. There have been many women who have tried. I can promise you that.”

“ _ Oh, oh, here she comes. Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up. _ ” 

The softly sang lyrics reached her ears, giving her courage to keep going. Whether that had been his intention or not, she didn’t know. Rey stood as tall as her height would let her, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“You don’t know him at all. None of you do, except Horry. And that’s because he bothered to look. During that week after your dad died, who took you out for a drive and ended up dropping you off at a certain someone’s ice skating rink? Who managed to convince a lacrosse equipment company to take a chance on your stores and have had it sell out as fast as it came in? And yet, all you can say is, don’t get close to him because he’ll hurt you?”

By this time, Judd had taken a couple more steps backward, his jaw working but no words came out. Rey continued. “I’m so sick of being told I shouldn’t have anything to do with Phillip  _ by his own family _ . For your information, the way he is with you  _ isn’t  _ how he is with me. In fact, I think I’ve spent more time with him than you have recently, so I should know what I’m talking about.”

Temper finally spent, Rey sighed. “Look, Judd, you probably mean well, but you don’t know everything that’s been going on. Phillip is my friend and he will continue to be so until  _ he  _ decides he’s done with me.”

“That’ll never happen, pussycat.”

Rey glanced over her shoulder, saw the warmth in his gaze and smile, and shot him a quick grin in return. Facing Judd, she said, “If you’ll excuse us, I have a mess to clean up.”

Turning her back to Judd, Rey waved again at Horry before walking straight up to Phillip. “So, you were saying about that tree limb … ?”

\----

Sometime during the clean-up, Phillip’s phone began to ring. Rey recognized the ring tone as the one he’d set for his girlfriend. She’d expected him to answer and disappear into the house, but instead, he set it on speaker and kept right on working with the hatchet she’d found to remove the smaller diameter offshoots from the main branch. She decided to take inventory of her metal pieces. Because there wasn’t much space between her and Phillip, she could still hear the phone conversation.

“So, you’re coming to see me today, right? All the roads have been cleared. What do I keep hearing?”

“I’m working on a fallen tree branch. It landed on the roof and rolled off. Rey’s lucky it didn’t take out her house. I don’t know if I’ll get over there today.”

“Rey, Rey, Rey! She’s all I seem to hear about! When is it  _ my  _ turn? Do you even want to be with me?”

“What do you want from me, Wynter? I don’t know how many times I’ve told you that Rey’s a friend. As such, I’m not leaving her with no power and a disaster for a front and back yard. I may be an asshole but I’m not  _ that  _ much of one.”

Rey shot a look over her shoulder, intending to tell Phillip to go see his girlfriend, when said woman screeched, “You want her?! Fine! You can have her! Don’t bother coming around again! The sex wasn’t even that good!” Click.

Phillip stared down at his phone, jaw tight, and slowly tapped the phone screen. Rey hadn’t a clue what she should do. Talk him into going to Wynter to get her back? Console him? Did he even feel sad about the breakup? Mad, yes, she could see that. But sad? Not so much. Maybe that would come later. A little stab of guilt pierced her chest. She should apologize for being the catalyst that split them up.

“Phillip, I - ”

His gaze shot up to lock with hers, his hard expression softening. Lodging the hatchet into the limb, Phillip grabbed his phone, shoved it into his pocket and, not breaking eye contact, approached. With his long stride, it only took a few steps for him to reach her. He gently cupped her chin in one of his big - how had she not noticed the size of them before - hands.

“You want to apologize. Don’t.” His teeth raked over his lower lip, one corner of his mouth curling into the tiniest of smiles. “It wasn’t working between us anyway.” His hand fell away and he shrugged. “She was never, I don’t know, exciting? We could have fun, but I still felt like there should be more, you know? Anyway, she couldn’t stand the idea of me being friends with you, so she had to go.”

As if uncomfortable with the sentimental moment, he stepped back, stuffed his hands into his back pockets, and looked behind her. “So, how did they fare?”

Taking the hint, Rey turned back to her art. “Not as bad as I’d feared. I’d tucked them back into this corner hoping they’d be mostly protected. So, whenever things get back on track, we can put that plan into action.”

Phillip nodded. “So, back to clean-up, then.”

“You really don’t have to - ” Rey’s jaw snapped shut at the swift, intense look he gave her. Chuckling, she waved a hand and said, “Never mind. Thanks for helping.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


‘

  
  
  
  



	4. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip has a lapse in judgment but has his eyes opened. Rey, too, makes an important discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re-reading this chapter to see if I thought it was ready for posting brought tears to my eyes, but I imagine that's because I'm so attached to these characters. All will be well. I promise.
> 
> Lyrics on the moodboard are from Buckcherry's I'm Sorry (was just so fitting)

**_I feel a sudden desire … It sticks close, like a friend, just like …_ **

**_\--- Sudden Desire, Hayley Williams (Paramore)_ **

Days later, things were mostly back to normal and Phillip had gotten in touch with a few people he thought might be interested in Rey’s art pieces. He’d taken pictures of a few of them to show a certain someone, and as he’d hoped, she’d loved them. Now, he was on his way to Rey to tell her the good news. He’d been thinking about her a lot the past few days, thinking about how he hadn’t felt confined in her house with her during the storm. In particular, that moment they’d locked eyes after getting her back door shut kept popping into his head. Her eyes had sparkled with exhilaration and humor. She’d looked so … beautiful … that he’d suddenly become aware of her in a way he hadn’t before. 

Then, her eyes had dropped to his chest and he’d realized he still only wore his boxer briefs, which had sent his blood pressure skyrocketing and his cock wanting to get in on the action. She’d practically bolted from him, her cheeks a little flushed. Had she been uncomfortable because they were friends and she had seen more of him than she’d wanted?  _ Or _ , had there been a little spark of … something … on her part, too? He could have sworn he’d seen something in her eyes but then, when he’d come back fully dressed, she’d acted as she always had. It must have been his imagination. Besides, nothing else had occurred the rest of the time he’d been there. It had to have been one of those random things, right?

His jaw clenched as he remembered what she’d shared of her childhood. His may not have been the greatest but it was a cakewalk compared to hers. He couldn’t verbalize just how much he admired her strength and perseverance. Not even to his therapist. Oh, he hadn’t broken Rey’s trust and divulged anything beyond her having a difficult childhood. That would have been the granddaddy of all fuck-ups, permanently FUBAR-ing his and Rey’s friendship. As he sat at a red light, Phillip snorted. FUBAR was a great acronym. Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. It could be applied to so many things. He’d even considered himself that way, but he was beginning to see differently.

Wynter and the break-up had been a topic of conversation with Dr. Parker. Phillip had merely shrugged and said he felt ambivalent about it. Naturally, Rey had come up. His therapist had hummed and written some notes when Phillip had declared he wouldn’t compromise on his friendship with Rey, that whomever he dated had to accept Rey in his life. Phillip hated when the man did that. He wanted to yell at him, asking what that was supposed to mean, but the guy would probably do what he normally did and turn the question on  _ him _ , asking what  _ he  _ thought it meant. Sometimes, therapists were a pain in the ass.

The light turned green and Phillip continued on his way, now just a few streets from Rey’s house. Pulling into her driveway, he saw her shovel lying on the ground but Rey was nowhere to be found. The hair on his arms and the back of his neck stood on end. Something didn’t feel right. Hurrying up to the front door, he knocked, heard her voice - that didn’t sound right, either - and turned the knob. He found her lying on the couch, her right ankle propped up on some throw pillows, a baggie filled with ice draped around it.

He raced to her side, his heart hammering in his chest. “What the fuck happened?”

Rey winced as she gently shifted her foot. “Damn gopher hole or something.”

Phillip carefully lifted the bag of melting ice and winced, himself. Her once slender ankle was now at least twice its normal size and was colored a nasty purple hue. “You need to have this looked at.”

“It’s just a sprain, I’m sure. It’ll be fine.”

“Sorry, pussycat, but that isn’t fine. Did you take anything for it?”

“I took some ibuprofen about an hour ago.” She hissed in pain while shifting her foot again.

Phillip’s eyes bugged out. “You took some an hour ago and you’re still in a lot of pain? That’s it. I’m taking you to the E.R.”

Disregarding her protestations, Phillip tugged her upright, careful not to jostle her foot, then knelt onto the floor, his back to her. Wrapping her arms around his neck, he cupped the backs of her knees to pull her flush against him, then slid his hands to her thighs to hold her in place while he stood. After a quick adjustment, he headed straight for the little stand by the door that held her purse and keys, handing them to her. With a quick flick on the doorknob to lock it, he shut the door and marched her over to his bike. 

“Phillip, I’m too heavy. Let me down. I can walk.”

“Not going to happen. And you barely weigh a thing.” 

Rey snorted in his ear. “That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.” Then, she did something that shocked the hell out of him and nearly had him stumbling. She kissed right above his ear. “But a sweet one, so thanks.”

Every nerve ending in his body tingled from that contact, goosebumps popping out along his arms, but he forced himself to focus on the task at hand, effectively curtailing his body’s reaction. Or it had until he reached his bike. Turning his back to it, he guided her as she slid down onto her seat. His breath caught and he barely suppressed a delicious shudder at the feel. Mentally chastising himself for his very inappropriate reaction, he plopped his helmet onto her head and cinched up the chin strap since they’d left hers in the house. 

Mounting the bike in front of her, Phillip released the kickstand, flipped the switch to start the engine and slowly rolled them out of her driveway. Rey, again, tried to protest, but he wasn’t having any of it. Out on the street, he reached back to lift her leg, propping her ankle up on his thigh, realized that wasn’t feasible, and set it back down. For once, he wished he had a car rather than the bike. Not taking long to dwell on it, he opened up the throttle, heading for the hospital. Coincidentally, the same one he’d been tossed out of back when Quinn, Judd’s ex-wife, had her pregnancy scare and Judd had gotten into a fight with Wade, Judd’s former boss who’d been sleeping with Quinn.

At the ER entrance, Phillip shut off the bike and set down the kickstand. “Okay, give me the helmet.” He hung it off a handlebar. “Okay, now give me your hands.”

“Phillip, I can - ”

“You’re not walking in there, Rey. Now, give me your hands.” 

He heard her breath of frustration but he didn’t care. Taking her hands, he repeated his actions at her house. Once she was in position, Phillip carefully stood and swung his leg over the seat, wobbling only slightly. He rushed through the automatic doors and right up to the intake desk.

“She needs a doctor. She’s hurt her ankle.” Phillip turned sideways to show off Rey’s nasty-looking ankle.

The man there barely looked up, held out a clipboard with some paperwork. “This needs to be filled out. We’ll get to you as soon as we can.”

Frustrated with the guy’s bored attitude, Phillip bit out, “She’s in  _ pain _ . Has been for over an hour.”

“Phillip - ”

“Sir, there are several people ahead of you. You’re just going to have to wait.”

Rey’s arms slid from around his neck. She took the clipboard into one hand. The other hand patted his chest. “It’s okay, Phillip. He’s right. We have to wait our turn. Help me get these papers filled out.”

Clamping his mouth shut before he said something he shouldn’t and got them kicked out, Phillip whirled back toward the little waiting room. ‘Several people’ was actually about ten, all looking ill or injured to varying degrees. With a heavy sigh, he found a pair of plastic chairs side by side and lowered himself to the floor in front of them, helping Rey transition from his back to one and propped her leg up in the other, careful to keep her ankle from bumping anything.

“Whose motorcycle is sitting outside? It needs to be moved.”

Phillip looked up at the burly security guy. “It’s mine. I’ll move it in a minute.”

“I’m gonna have to ask you to move it now.” The guard had his arms crossed over his chest as if that cemented his authority.

That kind of attitude always grated on Phillip’s nerves. It always set him off, always made him more of an asshole than he usually was. “Just give me a fucking minute okay? That’s all I ask.” A search of the room for something to prop Rey’s ankle up with provided nothing.

The security guard’s voice deepened and hardened. “ _ Now _ . Or be escorted from the premises.”

“Fuck!”

Two hands firmly yet somehow gently cupped his face, forcing him to look into her eyes. “The ocean. See it. Hear it. Feel it. Smell it.”

He understood instantly what she meant. He’d told her he went to that spot by the ocean to unwind, had even taken her there. She was telling him to go there in his head. Closing his eyes, he conjured up his spot, using all but one of his senses to make it as real as possible. Within a few breaths, he did feel calmer and opened his eyes to find Rey beaming at him with pride, despite the pain she must have been in. He felt much taller than his six-foot-three-inches.

“Go. I won’t be moving for a while. You’ll have plenty of time to find a spot and come back.”

A throat cleared behind him. Phillip threw up his hands in surrender. “Alright. Alright. I’m moving it. Okay?” Reluctantly, he got to his feet and left to do just that.

\----

Between the number of people ahead of them and a few emergencies, Rey had to suffer for nearly five hours in that waiting room, the time passing like molasses. Every wince she made, every hiss of breath shot straight to his heart and wound him up tighter and tighter so that he fidgeted more and more. Because the chairs had been full, he’d folded himself onto the cold, hard floor in front of her. No sooner did someone vacate a chair, someone else walked in and took it. His energy level was spiking and he knew he’d have to move soon just to stay sane and not yell at anyone. In the meantime, he tapped a random beat on his outer thighs, bobbed his heel, anything to help bleed off the excess.

Rey’s hand landed on his shoulder and he felt her lean close, her warm breath brushing over his ear. “Go for a walk. I’ll be fine.”

_ Go for a walk? And leave her? Just like that? _ Phillip turned to look up at her, incredulous that she’d even suggest that. Stubbornly, he jutted out his chin. “No. I’m not leaving you here.”

Her hand patted him as she favored him with a soft smile. “You wouldn’t be leaving me if you took a walk. Not permanently. You’ll feel better if you did. You know that as well as I do.”

He didn’t get the chance to respond. The door that led into the bowels of the department swung open. The nurse or whatever her title was pushed a wheelchair in front of her, a clipboard in one hand. “Rey? Is there a Rey here? Ankle injury?”

Phillip jumped to his feet and piggyback-ed Rey over before another word could be said. When he made to follow them, he was told he had to wait there since he wasn’t family. Jamming his fists into his pockets he paced back to the uncomfortable seats and fell into one of them with an impatient huff, his long legs straight out and crossed at the ankles.

“She’s in good hands,” said a wheezing elderly gentleman from a few seats away.

“What?”

“Your girlfriend. She’s in good hands. I tell you, it’s so nice to see such dedication in a young couple these days. Anymore it seems to be only physical gratification that young people want, but seeing the two of you together, it makes me think there’s hope yet.”

Heat flared in Phillip’s cheeks. Even his ears burned. Whether from the man’s assumption about himself and Rey, about being right in regards to his previous pursuits, or just hearing the seventy-plus-year-old man talk about sex, Phillip couldn’t say. He did, however, feel the need to correct the man.

“Rey’s not my girlfriend. We’re not, we’re not like that. She’s just a close friend.”

The old man hummed, gave him an enigmatic smile and said, “Maybe she should be, then.”

The old man turned back to his magazine leaving Phillip to stare at him, slack-jawed. It took a few moments for his brain to catch up to the fact that he was staring and he turned away, feeling utterly confused. He didn’t have any romantic feelings towards Rey. So what if he’d noticed she was attractive? So what if his body had responded to her on the rare occasion - what, three times in the nearly two months that he’d known her? It didn’t mean a thing. Phillip shrugged to himself. The old man didn’t know what he was talking about. 

Leaning his head against the wall, Phillip let his eyes close. Might as well settle in. He could be there a while longer. The rumbling of his stomach reminded him they’d missed lunch. Maybe he’d grab something once he got Rey home and settled. Surely, the doctor would tell her to stay off her ankle for a while. If he was right about that, he’d make sure she followed orders, even if he had to tie her down to her bed to do it.

Phillip jumped to his feet and paced the relatively small area, not the least bit comfortable with the way his cock twitched at the mental image his brain conjured up for him, or the fact that his mind supplied the image so readily and … enticingly? In a near panic, he bolted for the main doors and pulled out his phone to skim through his contacts. There were plenty of women who’d given him a standing offer of fun whenever he wanted. He just needed to get laid again despite it not having been that long since the last time. That’s all this … whatever it was … with Rey meant.

After tapping one, he waited for her to pick up. The sultry voice on the line brought a grin to his face. “Hey, Mandy. I happen to be in the neighborhood and wondered if you were available. Right now.” His grin widened at her response. “I’ll come to you. I’m only a minute or two away. See you soon.”

Rushing to his bike, Phillip barely took the time to put on his helmet before revving the engine and tearing out of the parking lot. He made it in less than a minute. Mandy, a leggy, buxom, platinum-blonde, met him at the door. No words were exchanged. Slamming the door behind him, Phillip attacked her lips first, his hands under her shirt and thumbing her nipples, cupping and massaging the round swells of flesh. That didn’t last long. He made quick work of her bra and shirt as he walked her to her bedroom, falling to the bed with her. He rolled away and peeled off his own clothes, grabbing a condom out of his wallet. By the time he was ready, so was she.

\----

Rolling away, his chest heaving from exertion, Phillip checked the time and noticed he had a text message … from Rey …  _ forty minutes ago _ . “Oh, shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!”

He’d kept her waiting for forty minutes! Minimum! While he’d been here trying his damnedest to get off - which took a whole lot more effort than it should have - to fuck her out of his head, she’d been sitting in that waiting room. Waiting. For him. Disposing of the condom, Phillip donned his clothes as quickly as was humanly possible.

“Who is she?”

Phillip took a precious second from buckling his belt to look over at Mandy, still sprawled on the bed, her ankles crossed, hands under her head. His eyes roved over her generous form, a form that would have made Aphrodite jealous, but oddly enough, just left him feeling, well, guilty. And empty. Dissatisfied, despite the orgasm he’d had, which really hadn’t been all that great, come to think of it. He couldn’t remember ever having  _ that _ much trouble and especially not with her.

“What?”

Now, Mandy may have looked like a stereotypical ditzy blonde, but she was quite bright and Phillip should have known she’d suss out certain things. “You struggled. That’s not like you. I’m thinking you have someone on your mind.”

Phillip tossed on his shirt, his leather jacket, and shoes. “Just an off day, I guess. I have to go.”

Mandy laughed uproariously. “An off day? You? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! No, there’s definitely a girl on your mind. I was merely a stand-in.”

Grabbing his phone, Phillip texted Rey to apologize and to tell her he was on his way. He’d reached the bedroom door when Mandy left him with a parting shot. “Maybe you should give some serious thought as to why you had such trouble today.”

Irritated and in a rush, Phillip bolted away. He didn’t want to think about what had happened, or rather, what almost hadn’t. He didn’t want to dwell on why the experience left him feeling dissatisfied. Guilt already sat heavily in his stomach. Wasn’t that enough? He never should have left the damn hospital. His stomach churned the closer he drew to where he knew Rey waited for him. At one point, he pulled over, certain he was going to be sick. He hated himself right at that moment, hated that he’d abandoned Rey in her time of need, just to go have a fuck that, in the end, did very little for him.

Finding a parking spot, he shut off the bike and headed for the entrance, feeling like a man walking to the gallows. Surely, this was it. This was the asinine action of his that would convince Rey to wash her hands of him. How could it be otherwise? He’d  _ left  _ her! No doubt he smelled like sex and Mandy’s strong perfume. His stomach lurched dangerously, forcing Phillip to detour from the doors and to a section mostly hidden. Doubling over, he leaned against the brick building. His stomach certainly gave it the old heave-ho - literally - but nothing substantial came up. He laughed but with despair rather than humor. That was the problem. Something had come up that never should have. If it hadn’t, he wouldn’t be in this predicament. He’d brought it on himself. As usual.

Wishing he had something to rid his mouth of the taste of stomach acid, Phillip took in a shaky breath and headed for the ER. He spotted her the instant he stepped inside. She sat in a seat in the corner, ankle bandaged in an ACE wrap, papers in hand, her eyes focused on the floor. When her gaze found his, he felt the emotional pain, the disappointment, swimming in hers like a punch to his gut. She took in his hastily donned clothes, her nose wrinkling slightly as he drew near, and he knew.  _ She  _ knew. Her eyes dropped to her hands.

“I need to go home, Phillip,” she said so softly and distantly that he flinched.

Silently, he lowered himself in front of her to take her onto his back again. She held herself stiffly, the complete opposite to how she’d been when he’d taken her there, and it felt like a dagger to his heart, the pain so sharp, he struggled to breathe, his eyes stinging. Briefly, he glanced around the waiting room. No one paid them any mind. Phillip felt a small measure of relief that the elderly man from earlier was gone. Even that small measure of relief felt better than what he’d gotten with Mandy. How fucked up was that?

Once he had her settled on the bike, he hesitated in mounting it himself. “Is there anything you need? Any prescriptions you need filled?”

Eyes still downcast, Rey shook her head. “I just want to go home.”

Phillip caught sight of a square slip of paper, a prescription, obviously, but decided to leave it. He’d done enough already. Maybe he could fill it for her later once she was comfortable. He waited while she woodenly donned the helmet, all the while ranting internally at himself for throwing this wedge between them. Why the fuck could he not control his impulsive actions? Why was he still making stupid decisions? Wasn’t going to therapy supposed to help? Wasn’t that the point? To control himself and make better choices? He supposed some dogs couldn’t learn new tricks, that some tigers truly couldn’t change their stripes. Maybe some dogs and tigers should just accept who they are and quit trying to change. The pain from the inevitable failure wasn’t worth it. The happiness he’d had with Rey, though. That was. Completely worth it. That’s why it hurt so much to have lost it.

When she’d finished, he sat in front of her, started the bike. The act of Rey gripping his jacket in her hands, rather than wrap her arms around him, spoke of the huge rift that had opened between them. Shouted it louder than the Harley’s engine. She didn’t want to touch him more than she had to. Not that he blamed her. He reeked of sex and strong perfume still. More importantly, he’d broken her trust. Hell, he would prefer not to have anything to do with himself, either.

At her house, Phillip helped Rey get inside and insisted she go up to bed. She didn’t argue. Not one single, solitary, utterance of protest. Either she was exhausted or she was simply humoring him until he left. Knowing Rey, that was most likely. When she was settled with a light blanket covering her, he sat on the edge of the bed. He wanted to reach out to her, to pull her hair away from her eyes, but he figured he’d lost that right.

“Can I get you anything? Water?” Another shake of her head. Phillip heaved out a huge sigh and stood, his head hanging, hands stuffed into his back pockets, the picture of utter defeat. Into the silence, he said, “I wish you’d yell at me, but I get it. I’m not worth the energy. I’m not worth anything, really.” Because he wasn’t watching, he missed her gaze flying up to him. “I’ve known that. I’ve  _ proven _ it. I’m an old dog or a tiger. Can’t learn new tricks, can’t change my stripes. I shouldn’t have tried. I’m sorry to have bothered you, Rey. I’ll fill your prescription and bring it back. Don’t worry. You won’t have to see me.”

Close to shedding some tears for the first time since his father had died - and that had been the first time in years - Phillip rushed out the door, down the stairs, script paper in hand, missing the hoarse voice calling his name. After filling it, he dropped off the script, went home, showered and changed. Pulling out his phonebook, he made a few calls. Hesitated, then, called a familiar number.

“Dr. Parker? I fucked up. Again. Can we talk?”

There was a sound Phillip couldn’t identify, the man’s office chair moving maybe. When Dr. Parker responded, it was with a very careful tone, “Phillip? Of course we can. I have the rest of the day free, surprisingly. That doesn’t happen often. Where are you right now? What are you doing? Why don’t you come in to the office?”

“I’m at home.” Home. Phillip snorted derisively. This place hadn’t felt like home in, well, he didn’t know when.  _ No  _ place had ever felt like home for him. He had a roof over his head but was still homeless. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be there in a few.”

\----

Dr. Parker steepled his fingers, elbows on his desk and said, “So, you had a sexual thought and reaction regarding Rey, became fearful, and left her there. You went and had sex with a woman you know, sex you found tedious and unfulfilling, as you put it, and discovered you had kept Rey waiting for nearly an hour. Am I understanding correctly?”

Phillip cringed. It sounded even worse when put so clinically. “Yeah.” A surge of white-hot anger spiked his blood pressure, had him gripping his chair as if he could smash the arms with his bare fingers. “I thought the whole point of coming to you was to keep me from doing stupid shit like this!”

He surged to his feet so fast his chair toppled over. Phillip ignored it in favor of prowling the room like a caged wild animal, unable to sit still and uneasy. God, how he wanted to lash out, to rant about how the man had failed him, had tricked him into believing he could change when it had become painfully obvious that he could not.

“I told you when we started that this was a long process.” 

True. He had. The man’s calm voice spiked Phillip’s anger higher. It grated on every nerve he had. How could Dr. Parker act so unaffected when Phillip felt as if he were being torn into pieces, shattering so completely that only slivers remained?

“Are you angry at me or yourself, Phillip? Which of us deserves your anger?”

Phillip paced another few seconds then yelled, “ _ Me! I’m angry at myself, okay?! Because I naively thought I could change who I am but I can’t! I’m always going to be a fuck-up! And now, because of it, I’ve lost the one friend who has ever understood me, accepted me!” _

“Have you?”

Phillip’s lips twisted into a snarl. “Of course I have! She wouldn’t look at me! Wouldn’t talk to me! I hurt her! I abused her trust!”

“Yes, you did. She’ll need some time, but I believe nothing has been irrevocably damaged just yet. Tell me something. On the phone, when you said you were home, you didn’t sound very convincing.”

The quick subject change threw Phillip for a loop enough that he stopped pacing and calmed somewhat. “What?” His brain caught up and he laughed. It was that or cry. “Something else I’ve realized, Doc. I have a roof over my head but I’m still without a home. Where I live is just a place I sleep.”

“When you think of a home, what comes to mind? Is it a place? A feeling? What? What is a home to you?”

Much calmer now, and a little embarrassed over his actions, Phillip returned to the desk Dr. Parker had yet to leave, righted the chair and sat in it. “I don’t know. Both, I guess. I mean, I look at my mother’s house and I remember a few times of fun and games. I also remember loneliness, sadness, confusion, impatience, and a lack of affection.”

Phillip propped an elbow on his knee and considered the question. What was a home? What  _ made  _ a home? “I guess it’s mostly the feelings involved. Families move all the time, right? So, it must be the right feelings. Love. Familial interactions. Shown affection. Happiness. Non-judgment. Safety. Security. Freedom to be yourself.”

“And when was the last time you felt that way yourself?”

Had he ever? Had he felt like that since he’d been about four or five? Another house floated into his mind’s eye, one that happened to be right across the street from his mother’s. Rey. She’d given him all of those things save one. He dropped his head into his hand, only now realizing the magnitude of his mistake.

“Now, knowing what you do, why do you think the sex with your previous girlfriend or with your other friend left you wanting something more?”

Phillip shook his head, eyes squeezing shut as he tried to deny the truth of what was staring him in the face. He’d become attracted to Rey, and no other would do. He looked up at his therapist apprehensively. “I’ve somehow, at some point, developed a sexual attraction to my closest friend, haven’t I?”

“You tell me. Have you?”

The moment at her door during the storm. The tingling awareness. The goosebumps as she slid from his back to his bike seat just that day. A not-fully-suppressed groan sounded in the silence. “Yes. I have. She makes me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time, if ever. I want to wrap myself around her and never leave her side.”

Dr. Parker’s lips curled upward in a pleased smile. “I was hoping you’d come to this conclusion. Sooner rather than later. So, what are you going to do about it?”

Phillip’s head jerked upward to stare at his therapist as if the guy had just asked the stupidest of questions. “Do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. If by some miracle Rey doesn’t wash her hands of me, I’m not going to complicate or ruin things further by trying to get into her pants.”

“I see.” Dr. Parker lay his arms over the surface of his desk, hands folded together. “And the next time you find yourself feeling this attraction? What will you do then?”

Phillip grabbed handfuls of his hair, again feeling frustrated and confused. “I don’t know! What do you want me to say? Aren’t you supposed to be telling  _ me  _ what I should and shouldn’t do?”

“It’s my job to give you the  _ tools _ to use and up to  _ you  _ to use them.  _ That’s  _ how this works.” Dr. Parker eyed Phillip a moment, then ventured on. “Would you like to know what has been the topic for probably ninety percent of our discussions?”

The swirl of emotions suddenly stopped at the abrupt change. What now? Phillip almost feared to find out. “What?”

“The topic you have brought up the most isn’t your issues with your family … but Rey. You’ve spent the majority of our conversations telling me about her and what she means to you, and recently, how you feel around her. What does that tell you?”

Incredulous that his therapist was even asking, Phillip replied, sarcasm heavy in his voice, “Uh, that maybe I actually  _ like  _ having someone like Rey in my life? That maybe I never thought I’d have a friend as genuine as she is? Why? What do  _ you  _ think it means?”

“It’s not for me to  _ tell  _ you what you feel, but help  _ you  _ figure out how you feel.”

Phillip felt like screaming at the guy’s vague, run-around answers. He growled in frustration. “So, help me, then!”

In his maddeningly calm tone, Dr. Parker countered him. “I have. I have given you everything you need to figure out your feelings on that front. Personally, I think you already know but fear admitting to anything.”

Phillip’s hands tightened on his chair arms, his knuckles going white. He mentally swore. Talking to his therapist was like pulling teeth! Why couldn’t he get a straight answer for once? Very deliberately, he bit out, “If I knew, I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you about it, now would I?”

“Think about everything you’ve said to me just today and I think you’ll find your answer.”

Everything he’d said today? All he’d said was how he thought  _ home  _ should feel. Oh, but he also said - or had he - that he felt that way with Rey. He’d certainly thought it if he hadn’t said it out loud. Things with Wynter hadn’t been right. She hadn’t made him feel the way Rey did. The sex had been meaningless with Wynter, barely worth it. The same with Mandy. Guilt, shame, and self-loathing had flooded through him right after, as if he’d  _ cheated _ on someone or something, which was a whole new experience for him. He’d definitely cheated before and had no visceral reactions to it, but this time, it had literally sickened him. At the time, he’d assumed it had been because he’d left Rey on her own at the hospital, but what if that hadn’t been the extent of it?

Just like that, the light bulb flicked on, the winning bell dinged. Phillip dropped his head into both hands with a groan. How could he have let it happen? How in the hell could he have fallen - or at least on his way to have - for his closest friend? How could he have allowed his feelings to get so out of control? This wasn’t supposed to happen! He didn’t do deep, sincere emotions! He didn’t know how to! Yet, that didn’t seem to matter. They’d snuck up and bitten him anyway. What was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to act? To pretend he didn’t feel what he did? Because if there was one thing he was certain of, it was that Rey would never, in a million lifetimes, feel the same about him. How could she? She was everything good, sweet, and pure when he was nothing but ego, sarcasm, and an asshole.

“Come to any conclusions?”

Phillip gulped, nodded, and breathed in deeply, hoping that would help calm his racing pulse. “Yes, and I don’t know how the hell it happened or what I’m supposed to do about it.”

Dr. Parker softly chuckled. “Yes, the age-old questions. How or why our hearts choose one person over another, to me, is a mystery. Many people put a lot of stock into it being simple biology, but I think it’s more than that. As for what to do about it, that is entirely your decision.”

Phillip rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Somehow, I just  _ knew  _ you were going to say that.”

“It all comes down to what you want, how you want to live, what kind of life you want. Are you willing to take the risk or settle for what you have? Can you truly live with less?”

Phillip straightened his shoulders, determination pouring from him. “I have to. She wouldn’t want me. I’ve hurt her too much.” Not wishing to hear any more of his therapist’s cryptic assertions or comments, he stood and headed for the door. “Thanks for the chat.”

\----

Rey awoke to the sounds of some kind of work being done outside, sounding as if it was coming from her yard. Climbing out of bed and hopping to her window, she looked out onto the street and gasped. Work was definitely being done outside -  _ in  _ her yard! Little flags randomly stuck up out of the ground. As she watched, a couple of men cut out a section of her grass around one of the flags. What the hell?! She nearly left the window in a huff when she spotted another man joining the other two with a bag over his shoulder. Brown stuff came tumbling out and the man slowly raked a tool over the area. That’s when it dawned on her. She’d hurt her ankle when she’d stepped in a hole that was right about where the men currently worked. Her gaze bounced to all the little flags. Holes? And they were being filled in, the ground leveled? A patch of grass was fitted into the bare spot and watered. The process started over again at the next flag.

Slowly hobbling her way down the stairs, she found the pharmacy bag and her keys on the side table by the front door. So, Phillip had come back, after all. Reaching out, she gently picked up the little white paper bag, her thoughts on Phillip and what had transpired earlier. At first, when she’d re-entered the waiting room and hadn’t seen him, she’d thought he’d stepped out to burn off some energy and just hadn’t come back yet. Well, she supposed, she’d been right about that, but she’d thought he’d been simply walking.

After twenty minutes had passed and still no sign of him, Rey had texted him. It took forty minutes before she received a quick apology and assurance he was on his way. To find he’d left her there getting her ankle examined to go get laid, well, it stung. A lot. She’d counted on his support and he’d let her down. By the time he’d arrived, a full hour after she’d been seen, smelling like strong perfume and sex, his clothes looking hastily thrown on, a few love bites peeking out from his collar, Rey had lost the vast majority of the trust she had in him and hadn’t felt like dealing with it at the time. Of course, it wasn’t the sex she had a problem with, it was the timing. He’d  _ left  _ her there. She could have needed him during the exam and he wouldn’t have been there.

Disappointment had swallowed her up and she’d been unable to look at him or speak to him. He’d been doing so well, had been acting so  _ un _ selfishly, putting her needs first - even over his own girlfriend - that she’d forgotten that Phillip could, in fact, act very selfishly. He’d sucked her in and she had paid the price.  _ However _ , according to her recent therapist, Dr. Amlynn Holdo, someone she consulted after Phillip had told her about his diagnosis, thinking it wise to have a professional help her through everything, she’d known there would be times like this ahead. Dr. Holdo had been quick to inform Rey of that, just so she’d be prepared. Rey had been told she had to focus on what was important: Phillip was seeking help. She’d also been advised to take time to sort through her emotions whenever he did do something to hurt her. She was  _ not  _ responsible for his mental well-being so she could  _ not  _ set aside her own feelings for fear of what he may or may not do.

It all made sense but it was so much harder than she’d thought it would be. In her heart, she already knew she’d forgiven him. How could she not when he’d looked so downtrodden, sounded so numb, like he’d pushed down every emotion he had so he didn’t have to feel them. She hoped he didn’t do something really stupid like get careless while riding his bike, thinking he’d messed up too much for them to fix, and lay the thing over. The mental image of his doing just that, rolling across the rough pavement like a rag doll prompted Rey to grab her phone, her fingers flying over the screen.

_ Phillip, if you’re okay, please get in touch with me.  _ She waited for a response that didn’t come. She sent another text.  _ Please, Phillip. I have to know you’re safe.  _ She paused a few moments, then continued.  _ I haven’t given up on you. I still want your friendship. Just give me a day or two. Okay? Remember what I said the last time you went radio silent on me. _

As she’d hoped, the little wavy dots appeared to show he was replying. Rey nearly breathed out a sigh of relief. Just as quickly, she had another thought. What if something  _ had  _ happened to Phillip and this was someone else, a doctor or someone, delivering the bad news? Her heart jackhammered in her chest, making her hands tremble. She almost didn’t want to read the text once it popped up. Then, it did, drawing her eyes directly to it despite her reservations.

_ I’m safe. No need to worry. I’m sorry for causing you to. I guess it’s my day for making apologies. _

Nothing about whether he was okay, but then, Rey knew he wasn’t. She could tell that even through the text. Her thumbs flew across the phone screen keyboard.  _ I’ll always worry about you. You’re a friend. It’s what friends do. Thank you for bringing the prescription by. I may want it tonight. _

Phillip’s alarm shined through the text by the speed he’d typed it out and sent.  _ Are you okay? Do you need anything? _

A soft smile pulled at the corners of Rey’s mouth. This. This was why she couldn’t stay mad at Phillip. This was the reason she’d already forgiven him. That golden heart that lay underneath the flashy exterior he insisted on showing the world. Believing he’d severely damaged the friendship they had, he still wanted to help her. Honestly, how could  _ anyone  _ hold a grudge in the face of that?

_ The only thing I need is for you to promise me that you’ll come by tomorrow. _

Rey waited with bated breath, on pins and needles - or was that her ankle - for his reply, her smile broadening with pleasure once it came through.  _ I’ll be there. I promise. Have you discovered my gift? I don’t know, maybe they’ve left already or haven’t gotten there, I guess. _

Tired of standing, Rey limped over to the armchair so she could look out the window in comfort, her eyes wide as his implication hit home. A small stack of those little flags lay in her yard by the work truck. Tears welled in her eyes as she realized what Phillip had done. What he’d thought to be a final act of kindness for her, he’d actually arranged for someone to come out and level her yard so she didn’t step in any more holes. First one tear, then two, trickled over her cheeks. Everything inside her urged her to tell him to just come over now, but no, she had to stick to what she’d already said. Tomorrow would be soon enough.

Realizing she’d kept Phillip waiting on her response, she quickly typed.  _ They’re here now. About halfway done. Phillip, that was so sweet of you. You didn’t have to, but thank you. _

The little dots undulated again.  _ I had to make it up to you somehow. It was all I could think of. Also, don’t be surprised to see little solar-powered stakes around the perimeter of your yard. They let out ultrasonic vibrations that tunneling creatures don’t like. _

Rey’s jaw dropped. He’d done that, too?! A warmth rushed through her so quickly and completely that it took her breath away. No one had ever done  _ this  _ much for her before, especially not when they expected to never see her again.

_ Oh, Phillip. This must be costing you a fortune! No more, okay? You’ve more than made up for the mistake you made. I don’t need grand gestures to know you regret what you did. It was a mistake. It happened. We all make them. Let’s just start over. Okay? _

This time, Phillip didn’t answer immediately. In fact, it took an entire five minutes before he did. Rey could have sworn it was an eternity.  _ You sure you want that? I’m only going to hurt you again. _

Rey let out a steadying breath, trying to remember he’d been conditioned to expect to be abandoned. Well, she knew what that was like and she wasn’t about to let Phillip experience it yet again with her.  _ Quite sure. I told you. Friends don’t let go when the going gets tough. Tomorrow, okay? _

_ Alright, pussycat. Tomorrow, then. _

Rey leaned back in her chair, her breath leaving her in a rush as tension she was unaware of left her body. He’d called her  _ pussycat _ . Surely that meant they would get through this. They’d weather this storm as they had Mother Nature’s. Suddenly full of energy, Rey stood and hobbled to her kitchen. She felt like baking, something she hadn’t done in a long time. What could she make, though? Remembering Phillip’s choice of ice cream, she decided on something chocolatey. 

One quick survey later, she chose some rocky road cookies/candy. Lining some cookie sheets with wax paper took the longest, really, wanting to make sure she had enough space for them to cool. Setting a pot of water on the stove to boil, she dumped into a smaller pan some semi-sweet chocolate and some pecan pieces. Once the water was boiling, Rey carefully set the smaller pan inside the other and stirred the chocolate constantly until it had fully melted. She gave the mix a short time to cool before adding mini marshmallows. She didn’t want them to melt too much. Working quickly, she dropped spoonfuls onto the wax paper-lined pans and let them set while she cleaned up.

That done, Rey limped her way to the front door and outside to check the workers’ progress. Only two flags remained. Deciding to enjoy the fresh air, she sat and watched, greeting them in turn when they acknowledged her presence. Two men were blond, the third a brunet. All three looked fit enough and had pleasing features, but something was lacking. They looked … short. Taller than her, yes, but just … average. Too, their shoulders were too narrow. Reedlike. Broader shoulders were more appealing. Shoulders wide enough to carry any burden the world threw upon them, a chest and abs defined enough to create interesting contours to trace a hand over, arms strong enough to hold back the wind. Ohhhh, yeah. Her mind supplied an image that fit that very description. Rey nearly choked when she realized just whose chest that had been.

Oh, Lord, she had  _ not  _ just been drooling over Phillip! No! She sucked in a quick breath when her nipples suddenly pebbled, an ache taking up residence down south. Damn, what was wrong with her? She couldn’t have started lusting after a friend! Surely not! Another image flashed before her eyes, this time one of Phillip’s genuine smiles, showing off those adorably deep dimples and his slightly crooked teeth. Her mind happily offered up the memory of his playfulness that day he’d taken her to his thinking spot at the beach. Next came one of his tenderness when he’d held her chin and told her not to feel guilty over his break-up with Wynter, as well as during the storm when he’d held her as she revealed that childhood moment, then let her sleep while leaning against him. She could still feel his light touch, could still feel how warm he’d been - and how comfortable.

Her imagination ran wild with how it might feel to have those large hands of his gripping her in places hands normally didn’t go, what it would be like to have those full lips teasing hers. How did he taste? Smell? Well, other than the cologne he sometimes wore. She wanted his tongue toying with her nipples, his teeth leaving little marks all over her skin. She’d had dreams of that very thing but had never seen the guy’s face. Rey pressed her thighs together and groaned, dropping her head into her hands, unable to deny the physical evidence. She’d somehow become attracted to Phillip! Now, what was she supposed to do?

Making her way back inside, Rey pulled out her phone, brought up her contacts, and tapped one to call. When it was picked up, she anxiously said, “Dr. Holdo, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. In My Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More flirting. More meaningful looks. Will they ever or won't they?

**_There’s a story in my eyes, Turn the pages of desire …_ **

**_\-- I Can’t Hold Back, Survivor_ **

  
  


“Rey, you do realize it is not uncommon to develop feelings for close friends, don’t you? Especially when it’s someone who - how did you describe him - is the only one who seemed to understand you?”

Rey’s frustration got the better of her in the form of a growl as she scowled at her phone. “You’re not helping. I  _ can’t  _ have these feelings about him. Damn it, I’ve had some pretty erotic dreams starring Phillip! It  _ has  _ to stop. I don’t want to complicate the great friendship we have with sex. Maybe I just need to find someone, go on a few dates, have no-strings-attached sex.”

“Do you think that would help?”

Rey’s brows drew together in confusion. “It’s simply a biological urge. Why wouldn’t it?”

“Sometimes, things aren’t as simple as they seem. When it comes to sexual attraction, different factors can come into play.”

Rey just  _ knew  _ she wasn’t going to like the answer to her next question, but that didn’t stop her from asking anyway. “Like what?”

“Well, how we feel emotionally about a person. Some believe arousal is simply due to chemicals, the pheromones a person puts out. I believe that’s only partially true. Emotions are powerful. I believe they play a large part in the sexual response. Your perceived closeness with your friend can have a major impact on what you’re experiencing now.”

Rey was already shaking her head despite Dr. Holdo being unable to see the action. “What does it matter anyway? I’m not his type. He likes flashy, loose women. You know the type. Model bodies and not afraid to use them. Besides, weren’t you the one cautioning me about being careful when it came to Phillip?”

From the squeak that came over the line, Rey figured Dr. Holdo must have leaned back in her chair, probably crossing her long legs. “Yes, I said that having someone in your life with the difficulties he’s dealing with can be trying, but I believe I also said I wasn’t attempting to dissuade you from cultivating a relationship with him.”

“But I don’t  _ want  _ a relationship with Phillip, not beyond the friendship we have.”

“Don’t you?” In her mind’s eye, Rey could see Holdo’s brows lifted in skepticism. “You’re so adamant that you  _ don’t  _ want that, I’m beginning to think you do. You’ve been quick to point out to me that you’re nothing like the usual women he dates. I seriously doubt you would have bothered with that if you had no inclination in that direction whatsoever. In the words of Shakespeare,  _ the lady doth protest too much, methinks. _ ”

Another squeak of the chair and what sounded like the metallic clink of a bracelet against something solid. The good doctor had shifted again. Leaning on her desk? “Sometimes we have to take risks in life. You took one by befriending Phillip in the first place and look how that’s turned out. You don’t usually find what you’re looking for by playing it safe. Often, it’s when you’re not even looking that it comes and bites you on the ass as a wake-up call to you, like a flashing neon sign that says  _ Here it is. What you’ve been wanting is right here.  _ Something to think about.”

“So, you’re saying I should, what, make a move or something?”

“What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t summarily dismiss the idea. That’s all. Take your time to think about it.”

Rey wasn’t sure she really wanted to think about it or even needed to. She was convinced Phillip would never see her in a romantic sense. His latest girlfriend proved that, didn’t it? A little voice in her head responded with  _ Yeah, and look how that turned out. Left him wanting more than what she gave him. He’s looking for more. He chose you over her. _ But if she decided to try and he ghosted her over it because he didn’t feel the same, what then? Or worse, he didn’t disappear on her but they never returned to their easy camaraderie, either. It was all so confusing it made her head hurt just attempting to sort it all out.

Sighing heavily, Rey rubbed her forehead. “Thanks for talking to me. I’ll think about what you said.”

“That’s what I’m here for, Rey. Again, take your time. Nothing has to be decided right this minute.”

“Thanks.” Rey hung up and dropped her head back. Now what? She hadn’t a clue.

\----

Hearing Phillip’s rumbling bike coming down her street the following day set her heart to racing, happiness and warmth spreading through her instantaneously. Cursing her body’s betrayal, she forced herself to breathe and shoved that bubble of joy back down before it could pop and spray its sickening delight onto everything and everyone. Her lips wanted to stretch wide but she forced them to stop at her standard smile, not wanting Phillip to get any wrong - technically right - ideas. She met him at the door.

His look of contrition turned to exasperation rather quickly. “What are you doing on your ankle? You were supposed to stay off of it.”

The genuine concern in his eyes gave her warm fuzzies.  _ Stop that! _ “It doesn’t hurt nearly as much today. I haven’t really been putting much weight on it. I’ve been doing my best pogo stick impersonation.”

Phillip started to grin but it died away as he grew serious. “Rey, I’m really sorry about yesterday. It was selfish of me to leave you like that. I was only thinking about myself and what I wanted, what I thought I needed. I hope you can forgive me.”

“I know. I know you are. It’s why I asked you to come over today. I wouldn’t have if you were simply saying the words. I’ve already forgiven you. Friends don’t bail when the going gets tough, remember? We’re going to disappoint each other or do something to upset the other. It’s natural no matter what type of relationship you’re in.” She hobbled out of the way toward the kitchen. “Come on. You’re going to be my guinea pig.”

“Oh?” He followed her into the kitchen, standing by the table when she motioned for him to stop. “What evil scheme have you cooked up?”

Rey laughed her best mad scientist laugh. “First, you have to close your eyes.”

Phillip's brows shot up, his mouth curving into a broad smile. “Kinky. I like it. Go on.”

This time, Rey’s laughter was more genuine. Even though he hadn’t been away for a full day, she’d missed their playful banter. She waited until she was certain his eyes were tightly closed before she silently picked up her cookie jar, removed the lid, and limped her way over to him.

“Hold up your hand.” Holding his wrist, she turned it so his palm faced up. “No peeking.”

“I would never!”

Rey snorted at the tone one would expect to hear from a scandalized genteel woman. “Yes, you would.”

“You’re right. I probably would. But not this time. I admit, you have me very intrigued right now.”

“Good. Now, this is very important. DON’T PEEK. I want you to try something for me without your eyes telling you what should be there.”

“I promise I won’t peek. Here. I’ll even use my other hand to cover my eyes. How’s that?”

“That’ll work.” 

Rey took a moment to study the sheer size of the hand that now covered the top half of Phillip’s face. Unable to help herself, she hovered her free hand over that one, just to compare. While she didn’t actually have tiny hands, they did look pretty small compared to Phillip’s. Unbidden, she wondered how those hands would feel skimming sensuously across her skin, and felt her nipples tighten, goosebumps breaking out along her arms. Shaking the visual from her brain, she reached into her cookie jar and withdrew two of the rocky road candy/cookies she’d made.

Placing one in the palm of his upturned hand, she lifted the other to Phillip’s mouth. “Open wide.”

His lips twisted into a smirk. “I’m usually the one saying that.”

“If only,” she said under her breath, barely a whisper of sound.

“What was that?”

Alarmed he’d heard her, Rey quickly said, “Open up.” The instant his lips parted enough, she shoved the cookie between them. And no, she absolutely did not take her time running her finger over his bottom lip as she took her hand away. Nope. Sure didn’t. “Okay, so, what do you think? You can look now.”

Reflexively, he bit into the cookie, the hand covering his eyes falling to catch the remaining half. As he chewed, he studied the two in his hands. His eyes flew up to meet hers, brows rising. “Chocolate, nuts, and marshmallow? Rocky road? You made rocky road cookies?”

Hugging the cookie jar to her midsection, Rey anxiously nodded, glad he hadn’t noticed her lingering touch. “More like candy. It’s not a recipe I’ve tried before. Do they taste okay?”

He stared at her incredulously for a moment. “Okay?! These are fucking fantastic!”

“Really?” She hoped he wasn’t just saying that.

Cramming the other half into his mouth, he nodded, chewed a little, then said around it, “Really.” Indicating the cookie jar, he asked, “May I?”

Beaming at him, she tilted the jar his way. “Sure. I’m glad you like them.”

Phillip picked out another one then stopped as something occurred to him, his eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion. “When did you make these?”

Why did she suddenly feel like a naughty child? “Uh, yesterday.”

His eyes narrowed a little more. “Yesterday when?”

“After I woke from my nap - and spoke to you.”

Phillip huffed through his nose, plucked the cookie jar from Rey’s arms and set it on the table. Gently wrapping his hands around her upper arms, he coaxed her into a chair. Just as gently, he propped her ankle on another chair before placing her cookie jar back on the counter.

“Stay off that ankle!”

Ordinarily, Rey would have bristled at being bossed around, but there was something about Phillip doing it, the concern for her at the heart of it maybe, that actually thrilled her. Her eyes dropped to his jean-clad ass, appreciating the way the denim hugged it and his thighs. When he started to turn back to her, she pulled her gaze away, hoping her face wasn’t as flushed as the heat felt it was. God, now she was ogling him! She had to stop, like, right now! Her gaze firmly  _ not  _ on Phillip as he pulled out another chair to join her at the table, Rey continued to chastise herself for her moment of weakness.

“I’ve been talking with someone interested in your art. Would you feel up to meeting with her?”

Her? Was this another of Phillip’s special friends? Someone he’d been intimate with in the past? Someone he was intimate with now? For all she knew, he’d just left the woman. Why did the thought bother her so much? Clearly, this attachment and attraction she’d developed had gotten out of hand. Realizing he still waited for a response, she shoved her thoughts into a mental box and sealed it.

“Sure. The sooner we get this going the better.” And the sooner she could convince herself that Phillip was off-limits.

“If you’re not up to it, Rey, just say so. I probably should have waited to even bring it up. You just hurt yourself yesterday. Of course, you’re not ready.”

The self-loathing in his voice hurt her to hear so she reached out to capture the hand not currently buried in his hair, giving it a little squeeze, her smile soft and gracious. “I’m fine, Phillip. Tell her to come over. I’m kind of excited about selling my stuff.” As casually as she could manage, she asked the question on her mind since he’d brought the woman up. “How do you know her?”

“I met her a few years ago. We hit it off. She’s one of the few true friends that I have.” He reached for his phone and that was when Rey realized she still held his other hand. Warmth flooding her cheeks, she tried to let go but Phillip’s hand tightened around hers. “It’s not like …  _ that _ … between her and me.” He shrugged, his gaze sincere yet intense. “I just thought you should know.”

“It’s not any of my business. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” 

She’d tried for an unaffected tone, but she wasn’t sure she really succeeded. Especially considering he watched her with eyes that seemed to look deep inside her and catch every thought and feeling she had. Time seemed not to exist. She couldn’t look away if she tried - and she really didn’t. Something was happening, she could feel it, but she wasn’t sure precisely what it was. She had the sudden urge to lean forward, to press her lips against his and discover just how it would feel to be thoroughly kissed by him because she just knew he didn’t kiss any other way. When he was focused on something, he did it with gusto, and oh, to have that enthusiasm channeled into something as sensual as kissing, or more, was bound to be pure bliss.

_ You’ve got a friend in me _ , sang Phillip’s phone, effectively shattering whatever had been happening. Rey jerked back in her seat, only just then realizing she’d begun to lean forward, taking her hand with her. Flustered, she dropped her hands into her lap. She  _ really  _ had to get a hold of herself. If she didn’t, Phillip would figure out she’d developed something for him and would disappear between one breath and the next. He’d probably see it as a betrayal. She was supposed to be his friend, not someone who lusted after him.

“Hey, Rose.” His voice caught Rey’s attention. “Yeah, she said she wanted to meet with you. She’s staying off her ankle, though,” Phillip shot her a look that said  _ or else _ , “so you’ll have to come here.”

Rey’s pulse jumped at the look. She didn’t know why she did it, but she tossed him a cheeky grin and stood right up to make her way to the living room. Behind her, Phillip fumbled his phone.

“Damn it, Rey! Rose, hold on.”

Before Rey could take a single step, Phillip stood in front of her, wrapped an arm around her back and lifted as if she weighed nothing at all, catching her under her knees. It startled Rey enough that she clung to his shoulders for balance. She couldn’t deny the hardness of his chest pressed against her side made her feel things she shouldn’t. Now, she  _ really  _ wanted to press open-mouthed kisses along his jaw, to nibble his adorable ears, and nip her way down his neck. As it was, she had to curl her fingers to keep from reaching for his hair. The need to feel his facial hair on her skin made her squirm. She might have even let out a tiny sound.

“I’m not putting you down until you’re on the couch  _ where you’ll stay _ .” He made short work of the distance, depositing her carefully on the couch and propping her ankle up on the coffee table with a throw pillow underneath. “I’ll be right back.”

She was doomed. Her body was hellbent on betraying her; therefore, she was doomed. Doomed to make a complete idiot of herself in front of him at some point. Doomed to have him look at her regretfully and pitifully with the prettiest, expressive eyes she’d ever seen on a man. Doomed to want but never have. Phillip’s footsteps drew closer so Rey pasted on a pleasant expression.

“Sorry, Rose. Rey insisted on getting up so I carried her into the living room.”

“No problem,” a chipper voice said through his phone’s speaker. “I’m about five minutes away from you. I’ll see you soon.”

Phillip disconnected and dropped his phone onto the coffee table, taking the spot on the other end of the couch. He raked his teeth over his lower lip, a sure sign that something was on his mind. Tempted though she was to ask about it, she also feared he’d somehow figured out where her thoughts had gone when he’d picked her up and was trying to figure out how to let her down gently. So, she held her tongue, propping her elbow on the couch arm and dropping her head onto her hand.

“Are you okay? Do you need anything? Want anything?”

Need? Want? Hell, yes, apparently. “I’m fine, Phillip. You don’t have to wait on me, you know. You’ve already done so much for me.”

Phillip looked over at her with those earnest puppy eyes. “I just want your ankle to get better. I want to take you out on the bike again before the weather turns cold.”

“There’s time for that. Speaking of cold, what are you going to do when winter comes? You can’t ride the bike.”

He sheepishly ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up in places and letting his ears peek through. Something Rey found so damn adorable. “I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. I guess I should have. I suppose I’ll have to look for a car.”

“Well, when you’re ready, let me know. I can help you find a good one. Spotting lemons is the one thing I’m good at.”

Phillip turned sideways on the couch to face her, his brows drawing down into a frown. “Don’t do that. Don’t put yourself down like that. You’re good at so many things, Rey.” He motioned toward the front yard with a wave of his hand. “You can make flower beds. You knew how to remove and put up window shutters. You make those cool metal things. Hell, you can bake! If one of us isn’t good at anything, it’s clearly me. Unless you count being an asshole. That, I’m good at.”

“You don’t put yourself down, either. You’re good with your hands. I’ll turn you into a carpenter yet. Plenty of time.” That got him to chuckle, showing off another adorable part of him: his dimples.

“I guess I did alright with those, didn’t I? Even if I was just the muscle.”

_ A lot  _ of muscle. Rey gently cleared her throat. “But you took to it easily enough. I think you have a natural ability. It’s something worth exploring.” 

“Some things should be explored, some should be left alone.” 

The intensity in Phillip’s eyes caused goosebumps to break out along her arms, the hair on the back of her neck to stand on end. Was that supposed to be a certain message? Was he trying to tell her that he knew how she felt and that she needed to look elsewhere? Again, she couldn’t pull her gaze from Phillip’s - until she heard the sound of a car stop outside her house. Phillip jumped up, heading for the front door and pulled it open. He waited a few moments before greeting the woman.

“Hey, Rose! Long time, no see.”

“Right back at you,” came a cheerful feminine voice. “It’s been, what, three years since we last spoke? I’ll admit, you certainly surprised me when you called, but I’m super excited that you did.”

“Great! Come on in.”

The woman who entered Rey’s home was short and Rey had to swallow a snicker seeing her next to Phillip. Rose had a light olive complexion that Rey immediately envied and a big, bright smile that instantly put her at ease. Spotting Rey sitting on the couch, Rose stepped right up to her and held out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Rose.” She glanced down at Rey’s ankle. “What happened?”

“Stepped in a damn hole and twisted my ankle. I’ll be fine in a few days.”

“ _ If  _ you stay off of it like you’re supposed to. I’ll make sure you do.”

Rey snorted good-naturedly. With raised brows, she teasingly challenged, “And how are you going to do that? Stay here day and night until it’s healed?”

Phillip graced her with a teasing smile. “You offering, pussycat? Because I would certainly take you up on that.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Yeah, because having you underfoot during the storm was a breeze.”

Feigning upset, he smacked his hand over his heart. “That hurt. I thought we had fun. I was on my best behavior.” His laughter ruined his act. “Nice pun, by the way.”

“Why, thank you.” Catching the speculative glances from Rose, Rey rushed to counter any conclusions the other woman might have been drawing. “This idiot came over the day the storm hit. He was stuck until it blew itself out.”

“In my defense, the forecasters all said it would be another day or two before it hit.” Phillip rubbed his hands together. “So, anyway, Rose, you want to see Rey’s work?”

“Absolutely, but, uh … ” Rose glanced at Rey’s ankle with uncertainty.

Phillip caught on to Rose’s reluctance and launched into action. Pulling the coffee table out just a bit, he then proceeded to kneel in front of Rey, presenting his back to her and held up his hands for hers.

Exasperated, Rey let out a breath. “Phillip, I - ” 

Phillip gave her a look that screamed  _ Don’t bother arguing _ . Deep inside, it thrilled her that he wanted to take care of her, even as she wondered if he did it out of guilt or genuine affection. Regardless, she wasn’t about to let anyone see that, so she let out another huff of breath with an exaggerated eye roll, then lay her hands in his. After wrapping her arms around his neck, he pulled her against him and stood. With a nod of his head to Rose, who was looking on with raised brows and a playful grin, Phillip led them out to the back patio.

Rey felt the need to divert the woman’s attention from whatever was brewing in her head. “My art’s not that great. I hope you won’t be disappointed.”

Rose laughed. “Phillip’s shown me some photos. Trust me, I’m not disappointed in the least.”

“Oh.” 

She hadn’t known that. When had he taken the time to do that? Intending to be playful and not thinking of any possible consequences, Rey buried a hand into Phillip’s hair and pulled just hard enough for his head to tilt back a little. At the same time, she ducked her head to murmur in his ear.

“You didn’t tell me you did that. Why? When?”

The fingers under her thighs curled tighter into her, almost painfully, as he inhaled sharply, and fearing she’d actually hurt him, she pulled her hand away. “Sorry.” Not sure what to do with that hand, she gingerly looped her arm in front and rested it on his opposite shoulder, heat prickling in her cheeks and ears.

Phillip shook his head as one would do to erase a feeling. “I did it back when you said there was a possibility you’d sell them. I wanted to be ready.”

Wow. What could she say to that? She had no words so she hummed noncommittally instead. Turning her attention back to Rose, who again seemed to be studying her and Phillip with a curious expression, Rey cleared her throat and indicated the table area laden down with her projects.

“Well, as you can see, I have small ones and larger ones but there’s nothing over two feet tall.” With a little huff of irritation, Rey tapped Phillip's shoulder. “Put me down. I have to be getting heavy by now. I’ll stay off my ankle.”

By the way his shoulders heaved, Rey knew he wasn’t happy but he did set her on her feet, the slow slide down his back doing dangerous things to her insides again. Even now, she could still feel the softness of Phillip’s hair in her hand. Making the motion as natural as possible, she swiped her hand across her shorts in an effort to shake that feeling as she reached to spread out a few of her pieces.

“It’s kind of an eclectic mix. Some look better than others.”

“Oh, I love them!” Rose picked up one, seven inches tall, made of large chain hooks, arranged so they formed almost a figure eight. “I like this one. It looks like a mer couple embracing. The chain link for the arms is a nice touch. What did you use for the heads?”

“Oh, just some steel ball bearings I had laying around.”

Rose nodded appreciatively. “Okay. Not too heavy, but not too light. This piece I definitely want.” She actually squealed with joy when she laid eyes on another, this one a dog made out of a coil spring with a total length of just over a foot, not including the small spring for the tail. “This one reminds me of Slinky from Toy Story!”

Leaning against the table, her injured foot resting gently on her good one, Rey nodded, her smile wide. “That’s where I got the idea. This guy won’t move though.”

Rose set it aside with the merfolk couple. “Well, it will be moving today - straight into my car. That puppy - pun intended - is mine.”

And, now, Rey understood the reason behind Phillip’s choice of ringtones for Rose. As the shorter, perky woman chose more and more of her pieces, Rey felt her jaw dropping farther and farther. Did Rose really think she could sell them or was she just doing this as a favor to Phillip? Sneaking a glance at him, she saw him standing back a little, fingers playing with the hair on his chin, grinning broadly - and a little smugly, proudly? - as he watched Rose. He caught her eye and winked as if to say  _ I told you _ . Rey refused to acknowledge the stutter in her pulse at his broad grin and playful wink.

Rose loaded some into her arms and handed them off to Phillip. “Make yourself useful. Take these out to my car. I have newspapers there. Wrap them up for me. I’ll have more set aside when you’re done with that.”

Phillip grunted a little, juggling all the pieces as if trying hard not to drop them, though, with his long arms and big hands, Rey knew it was more of an act. He narrowed his eyes as he looked down at Rose but a smile still played about his lips.

“You’re just trying to get rid of me, aren’t you?”

Rose simply laughed. “Of course, I am.” She brought her hand up and waggled her fingers. “Bye.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m going.”

Rey watched him walk away, amusement at his faked irritation bringing a smile to her face. Rose gathered several others and set them in a little group on the other side of the patio. Her expression when she returned made Rey’s heart rate speed up as anxiety crawled through her veins.

Rose leaned casually against the table facing Rey. “So. You and Phillip. How long has it been?”

“What?” Feeling her face heat at Rose’s misinterpretation of things, Rey shook her head vigorously. “No, no, no. You have it all wrong. We’re just friends.”

For a moment, Rose nibbled her lip, looking not the least bit accepting of that. “Uh huh. You’re  _ so  _ just friends that you haven’t been flirting with each other the whole time I’ve been here.”

Now, she felt as if she could burst into flame. Rey still shook her head. “Pffft. Flirting? Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious. There’s some heavy-duty chemistry I’ve been wading through. I’ve seen how you look at him.”

“I - I don’t look at him in any sort of way.”

Rose snorted and laughed. “Yes, you do. You look at Phillip the way a woman looks at the man she wants.”

Would it be so bad to admit it to someone other than Dr. Holdo and herself? With a defeated groan, Rey dropped her head into her hands. “Okay, yes, I may have begun to feel something. In my defense, who wouldn’t? I mean, look at him! He’s huge! And built! It doesn’t really matter, though, because I’m not his type. We’re friends and that’s enough for me.”

Rose cocked an eyebrow. “Is it? What if I were to tell you he’s been looking at you the same way? Listen, Phillip has never been this way with anyone, not that I’ve seen. Granted, it’s been a while, but I’ve not known him to light up when talking about his former girlfriends the way he does when talking about you. He’s very touchy-feely with you and he normally isn’t, unless he’s putting on a show for someone, but with you, it’s very natural. I mean, he’s carried you around, after all.”

God, she surely must look like a lobster by now. Rey continued shaking her head, convinced Rose had simply read things incorrectly. “He just feels he has to make up for something stupid that he did. That’s all.”

Again, Rose snorted. “When you grabbed his hair and practically purred in his ear, you didn’t see his expression. Trust me, he wants you. He’s probably just afraid of doing something that will push you away.”

“Yeah, well, if his family can’t, then he can’t. I’ve told him a couple of times, now, that I’m his friend for as long as he chooses.”

“I’m sure you have. I’m also sure that you’ve figured out just how unsure of himself he can be. If you want him, you’re going to have to make the first move.”

Rey let out a breath, feeling utterly confused. “To be honest, I don’t know what I want. I’m not a casual sex kind of person. If we took things that far, and then something big happened, our friendship wouldn’t be the same. I don’t know if I can risk that.”

Rose nodded and turned her attention back to the less crowded table. “Fair enough. Just know, from what I can see, on  _ his  _ end, it’s there. The attraction. The feelings, even. If you know what to look for, then they’re easy to see. I’m sure he thinks that he’s not your type, that you’d never look at him in that way. If you don’t believe me, then pay close attention. Push the boundaries a little and pay very close attention to his reactions. You’ll see I’m right.”

Rey heard Phillip’s approaching footsteps before she saw him, returning for the next batch of art pieces Rose had set aside, so she kept her mouth shut, not wishing to be overheard. The woman had given her a lot to think about, certainly. She still didn’t fully believe that Phillip felt anything towards her beyond obligation or guilt for his mistake. But what if Rose was right? Some close observations wouldn’t hurt, would they? But then, if Rose  _ was  _ proven right, what then? What would she do with that information? Would she be able to act on it? Would it be better knowing or  _ not  _ knowing?

“You haven’t moved. Good. Rose, make sure she doesn’t. Is this the last set?”

From the corner of her eye, Rey caught Rose’s brief glance before the woman answered. “There’s a few more. Some of the bigger ones.”

Though he grumbled a little under his breath, Rey could easily see by the twitching of his lips that he didn’t mind the task. __ Once he’d disappeared again, Rose faced Rey a second time. “He’s concerned about your well-being -  _ beyond  _ how a friend would be. I’m telling you, he’s completely into you. He’s changing  _ for  _ you.”

Rey folded her arms over her chest, a frown on her face. “I don’t want him to change for me. It has to be for himself. Otherwise, he’d just go back to his usual ways if, for whatever reason, something came between us.”

“You misunderstand me. I mean, he’s  _ wanting _ to change, and you’re the reason for it.”

“I’m not sure that’s much better.”

“It’s a compliment to inspire someone to be better than they were. It says a lot. Take it for what it is.”

Rey supposed she could accept that. The two of them stood in a somewhat awkward silence for several seconds before she felt the need to fill it. “So, how do you know Phillip?” 

“He helped me out when I was in a bind, helped me make some connections that I never would have made on my own. Underneath that playboy, devil-may-care shell lies a real heart of gold.”

Rey utterly agreed with that. Time and again, Phillip had shown it to her. Not wanting to think any more on the topic of Phillip, Rey refocused on the neutral subject of her art. “Do you really think you can sell all of those pieces?”

Rose nodded enthusiastically. “I know I can. Trust me. You’re going to have people coming directly to you, wanting custom pieces, or anything you already have on hand.”

Rey mostly smothered a groan. That wasn’t exactly what she’d wanted to hear. “I really wasn’t looking for that kind of thing. I just want to make them as inspiration strikes and sell them along the way.”

Rose held up her hands, palms out. “Hey, if that’s what you want to do, that’s the way we’ll play it. I get that this may be more of a hobby for you or may need time to recharge your creative energy.”

Rey stared down at the other woman, confused. “You’d be willing to go along with that? Why? You wouldn’t be making a lot of money that way.”

“Because I’d work for you, not the other way around.” Rose shrugged as if it was no big deal to her. “It’s just how I prefer to do things.”

Rey was still skeptical but let it go. If the woman wanted to make minimal amounts of money that was her choice. It felt good to know she wasn’t expected to be like some kind of machine, constantly having to crank out pieces to sell. That could only lead to burnout and loss of creativity.

“I appreciate that.” After a brief pause to listen for Phillip’s footsteps, Rey confessed, “I’m going to teach him how to build things. Maybe carve some wood. He took to replacing the window shutters so quickly that I think he has a knack for that type of work.”

Rose’s brows shot upward, her eyes widening. “Phillip? Manual labor? Those two words are usually never in the same sentence unless the words  _ doesn’t do _ are in between them.”

Rey shrugged. Why were they all surprised? Especially someone who was supposed to know him? “He’s been helping me without complaint for quite a while now. Seemed to actually enjoy it. I know he felt rather accomplished and proud of himself, which he definitely should have. I get the feeling he hasn’t had that very often.”

The petite woman’s expression settled into something akin to sadness. “I think you’re right about that. I haven’t really met his family, but from things I’ve heard, the atmosphere was not that conducive to developing a positive self-image.”

Rey folded her arms over her chest, huffing in irritation as she thought back on her interactions with the other Altmans she’d come into contact with. “Trust me, you’re not wrong there. I’ve met his mother and his two brothers. Not one of them seems to care to look beyond the surface layer that Phillip puts out there.” She growled a little. “It’s so unbelievably frustrating. Can you believe each one of them tried to convince me I was better off not knowing Phillip at all? I mean, who does that?”

“The Altmans from the sounds of it.”

Rey sighed, unable to stay completely irritated. “I guess, with the brothers, at least, they meant well, but that still doesn’t paint a very nice picture, especially for the person you’re referring to.”

“No, it really doesn’t. That’s a shame. There’s so much more to Phillip. It just takes a person actually  _ looking  _ to see it.”

“And Hillary? Oh, my God! If ever anyone needed some therapy it’s her. I don’t care that she’s a psychologist. She obviously is blind to her own failings. That damn book she wrote, spilling every personal detail of her kids’ childhoods, did not help matters. In a way, I kind of feel sorry for the siblings. I mean, every bit of their lives have been put on display. They have no privacy now.”

“Well, this looks like a heavy conversation.”

Rey began to panic. So caught up in her ire over the Altman matriarch’s actions, she hadn’t heard Phillip’s approach. Had he heard anything of what she’d said? If so, what did he think? Was he relieved she felt that way on his behalf or did he feel that  _ he  _ was the only one with the right to be angry?

“Just letting off a little steam over your mother,” Rose cheerily supplied.

Phillip instantly lost the little grin playing about his lips, his posture stiffening, his eyes focused like laser beams on Rey. “She hasn’t said anything to you again has she?”

Touched by the fierce way he’d asked that, as if she were to answer in the positive, he’d march across the street and tell the woman off. To be so boldly defended, just the idea was enough to set her pulse racing and her imagination into overdrive. Did his tone and posture mean something beyond the irritation that his mother might be meddling again? Damn Rose for making her second guess every little thing!

“No, she hasn’t. Rose and I were simply chatting.”

All at once, his posture relaxed, his playful grin returning. “Oh. Good. For a moment there, I thought she’d been harassing you again, thought I’d be making a trip across the street to tell her to leave you alone.”

“You wouldn’t have to do that even if she did say something. You know that, right?”

“Of course I wouldn’t  _ have  _ to. I’d do it anyway because no one should speak to you like that.” He picked up the few bigger pieces and disappeared to Rose’s car again.

Rose giggled. “I’m telling you, Rey, he’s so interested he's throwing out neon signs left and right. All you have to do now is let him know  _ you  _ are. Personally? I think you’re exactly what he's been looking for, exactly the kind of person he deserves.” When she saw Rey start to speak, she held up a hand. “I know, it’s not my business and I won’t say another word about it. On that note, where do you get your supplies for these things?”

The rapid switch in topics threw Rey for a bit of a loop. “Oh, uh, just a junkyard or one of those car places where you pull whatever piece you need from old wrecked vehicles. I stop in every so often and wander around until inspiration strikes.” She shrugged a shoulder. “Sometimes, it doesn’t and I go home empty-handed. Other times, I find several things I think I can use.”

Rose eyed the very few remaining pieces. “How long does it take to create one of these?”

Rey slightly bobbed her head back and forth as she tried to decide how best to put it. “Not too long. It really depends on if things are turning out the way I envision them. If they’re not, then I often will leave it for a few days, come back with fresh eyes and mind. Sometimes, that does the trick. Sometimes, it doesn’t and I have to abandon the idea until I can figure out how to make it work.”

“I guess that makes sense. Well, don’t feel pressured to make more. I’d rather have quality over quantity any day of the week. I don’t care how long it takes. When you’re ready to sell more,” Rose pulled a business card from her pocket, “give me a call. I'll send you a check when I sell a piece.”

Rey found herself really liking this petite friend of Phillip’s. “I will. I can’t thank you enough.”

“One way would be to … ” She indicated with her head in the direction Phillip had disappeared. “I swear, that’s the last time I mention it. If Phillip was happy, truly happy. that would be all the thanks I’d need.”

Phillip returned at that moment so Rey couldn’t say anything. He glanced over her work table and grinned, surprising Rey by encircling her waist, picking her up, and spinning in circles. “I told you! I told you you were a genius!”

The maneuver shocked her so much her only course of action was to wrap her arms around his neck and hang on, though his boyish enthusiasm did make her laugh. Rose said her goodbyes. The quick glimpse Rey caught of her expression, she was grinning rather smugly, a very silent  _ I know what I’m talking about _ . When she refocused on Phillip, she felt something flip inside her, like some switch, becoming more aware of the hard angles and planes she was pressed against. Her nipples tightened and she could only hope that her bra had enough padding to hide her body’s reaction.

As if in slow motion, Phillip slowed to a stop but didn’t let her go, and Rey found herself in one of those cliched moments where time seemed to completely stop, his grin fading to be replaced by a look Rey wasn’t sure how to interpret. Fearing he’d read something in her own eyes, she dropped her gaze. The only problem with that was that, now, she was staring at his lips, and that set off a fire inside her that demanded attention. Her heart pounding, Rey squirmed to be let down. She had to get out of his arms before she did something utterly stupid like pull his head back and attack his neck, lean forward and attack his mouth, or worse, grind herself against him. He set her back on her feet, and Rey breathed a sigh of relief, only to squeak when he picked her back up, an arm under her knees, and headed inside.

“Phillip - ”

“You’re not walking on your ankle.”

Oh. Her ankle. Right. But, had he sounded just a little bit winded? Her inner skeptic snorted derisively. Of course, he was winded! He’d done nothing but carry her around and trek back and forth between patio and Rose’s car carrying metal sculptures! It had nothing to do with her, no matter what Rose thought! He set her gently onto the couch and disappeared back into her kitchen. After a moment, the sink turned on, ran, then shut off. He returned with a glass of water, which he sat on the coffee table in front of her. He also retrieved her phone and set it beside the glass.

“There’s something I need to do. Is there anything else I can do for you before I go?”

_ Uh, use those incredibly large fingers to make me come so hard I’m too exhausted to move? _ Rey lightly cleared her throat. “No. I think I’m good. You don’t have to babysit me.”

Phillip tilted his head in such a Phillip way that made her laugh. “Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it. I’ll be back later. Call me if you need me.”

Rey very nearly blurted out right then and there that she needed him alright, just not in the way he’d intended. Instead, she shooed him off with a wave of her hand. As the rumble of his bike faded, she flopped back on the couch so she lay on it, sighing. What was she going to do about her stupid attraction? And, damn, he must have sensed something of her thoughts for him to practically rabbit out of her house like that. God, she was so,  _ so  _ fucked. And the irony was, she needed to be. Badly.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Passion's Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Innuendo, Smut, more smut, chat, and more smut. we're earning our rating here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind this is my first attempt at smutty smut. I'm sure it's tamer than what you may have read elsewhere. Feel free to skip this chapter if you don't want to read smut, though you were warned with the Explicit rating. I may or may not have been influenced by a Sackler gif or two (those of you who are on Twitter likely know which one in particular)

**_Now it’s time to trade those dreams, For the rush of passion’s fire_ **

**_\-- I Can’t Hold Back, Survivor_ **

  
  


Rey couldn’t have been happier when her ankle had finally healed enough she could go back to working on the house. She wanted to paint it before winter set in. More than that, it meant Phillip wasn’t constantly underfoot, not letting her do a thing for herself. It had been nice having him near - she ogled him whenever she had the opportunity - but it had been torture, too, because it only made her want him more. She feared she may have slipped up a few times and was caught all but drooling over him, but he never said anything, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to bring any attention to it.

So, now, here she was, getting set up to paint the house, well, the shutters first, and who rode up but the sexy devil himself. Truly, Rey didn’t mind. She had a plan. She was going to set him loose on some wood, bonsai tree-style. Of course, that was  _ after  _ a lesson on how to properly use the tools and safety measures were taken.

“So, what’s today’s project?” Phillip asked as he approached, eyeing the paint cans and brushes.

“For me, painting the shutters. For you, I have something else in mind. Come into the back.”

Rey had never felt so self-conscious just walking before, but now, with Phillip a half-step or two behind her, she was. Lately, he’d taken to hanging back. Why? Was he checking her out? Was he staring at her ass? Or, was he simply following, not looking at her at all? Oh, curse her stupid hormones and Rose for putting thoughts into her head! Heading to the patio, she picked up the tools and grabbed the chunk of wood in the other. With a bit of a smirk, she dumped them into Phillip’s arms.

After demonstrating proper technique and she was certain he understood how to use them, she said, “Now, your task is to make something. Can be anything or nothing really at all. There are twelve inches of wood. I’m sure you can do something with it. Oh,” Rey turned to grab a pair of goggles, “don’t forget protection. Pieces can go flying until you get the hang of the tools.”

When Phillip remained silent, she looked up at him. He stared down at her, brows raised, head canted at a slight angle, his teeth grazing his bottom lip as if he wanted to say something but was refraining. In his eyes, she saw humor but it was tinged with something she couldn’t name - or rather, she was afraid to. Because, if that other emotion was what she  _ thought  _ it might be, well, she wasn’t sure how to handle it.

“Pussycat, sometimes you make it so fucking  _ hard _ to restrain myself.”

Oh, God! The way he’d said that! All soft, almost seductively. A little breathlessly? Rey nearly mewed at the tone, regardless.  _ Fucking hard _ , he’d said. She had no doubt that he did and she wanted him to. Fantasies had played out in her dreams of him taking her every way he possibly could all over her house. The visual that thought brought up had her lips parting a little. The rest of what he’d said registered. Restrain himself? Her words played back in her head and she realized how they could have been taken. Had Phillip taken them that way? She’d meant them innocently - hadn’t she? He hadn’t replied in a suggestive manner other than his soft declaration, which, in and of itself, was suggestive enough as far as his tone. Had he meant  _ it  _ that way? Had their meanings shifted to something much more personal? Or, was she reading more into it than was there?

The manic barking of a dog nearby broke Rey from whatever fog that had enveloped her brain, allowing her to pull her gaze from Phillip’s. Putting a little distance between them, she quietly cleared her throat, fought to calm her racing heart. She had to get away from him before she did something stupid. Attack him with her lips, nip her way over his jaw and down his neck, leaving little marks in her wake, then lick her way back up to his mouth, for instance. Chancing a glance back up at him, whatever had been in Phillip’s eyes was gone and Rey questioned whether it was ever there in the first place.

“So, anyway, you can either work on your project here or you can bring it around to the front. Your choice. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Why are you doing this?”

Now, wasn’t that a loaded question? What was he asking? Why was she distancing herself when that was obviously not what she wanted? Or, why was she having him work on carving something? In answer to the first question, well, it was pretty plain. No way was she acting on anything she felt unless she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he wanted it, too. Even then, she wasn’t entirely certain she would. They had a great friendship. Why complicate it and potentially ruin it? As for the second question …

“Because I think you’re good with your hands.” Okay, why did everything she said now sound sexual? Rey cleared her throat, fighting to keep the color from her face. “I mean, you seem to be more focused when your hands are busy.” Not much better. “Just feel the wood and see what you can bring out of it.”  _ Damn it! _ “I’m … going to go paint now.”

Rey didn’t wait for a response and she certainly didn’t look at Phillip again. As quickly as she could, without it looking as if she were running, she headed back to the front of the house, back where she could ignore everything she’d just said and, hopefully, get her mind off the topic of sex and Phillip. Dipping her brush into the paint, she managed to do just that as she began swiping the color where she wanted it to go.

\----

Something shockingly cold trickled down the back of Rey’s shirt and she gasped at the feeling, every muscle in her body tensing. Once she could breathe again, she slowly turned to see Phillip standing there with a Cheshire Cat grin.

“What the hell was that for?”

“You looked hot.” And just like that, the charged atmosphere was back. “I mean, too warm. You looked very warm.”

Well, she was, in more ways than one. And rather thirsty. She lightly wet her lips. “I am, actually. Pretty thirsty.”

God, that look in his eyes was back! His throat bobbed as he swallowed. Stepping closer, he dug into the glass he held, Rey just now realizing it was full of ice. His gaze never leaving hers, he held a partially melted ice cube to her lips.

“Open.” 

Had his voice just lowered? Was he just as affected by their wordplay as she was? Taking pity on his ridiculously long, thick fingers, Rey parted her lips. Very gently, Phillip slid the ice onto her tongue. As he withdrew, she could have sworn his index finger lingered on her lower lip before skimming downward to her chin, then moving away.

“I’m told that sucking on it will relieve thirst faster.”

Surely he wasn’t just meaning the ice. This conversation wasn’t that innocent, was it? Not with that seductive tone he’d just used. It couldn’t be. Not with that lingering touch. And not with the way he was looking at her now, his eyes so dark she couldn’t distinguish iris from pupil. That meant he did desire her, didn’t it? The thought only made her own need sharper, her nipples tightening, the ache between her legs more insistent. She needed to test her theory and she knew how to go about it.

Swirling the ice around in her mouth, she then reached up to take it as she slid it very slowly between her lips. She nearly jumped for joy when she saw his gaze drop to take in the motion and his throat bob with his second swallow.

“I’ve heard that, too. I’d like to test that theory. Want to come inside?”

To see what Phillip would do, Rey took a step toward the front door without breaking eye contact. She felt certain if she did, the moment would also be broken. She took another step. He still hadn’t moved and she feared he wouldn’t. One last step. If he remained where he stood, she’d give up. Just as she decided she was wrong about everything, Phillip shuffled forward, bringing to mind the mental picture of a moth warring with itself over getting too close to the flame. He shuffled forward another half-step. Then, another. And another, his expression turning almost predatory. It sent shivers right down her spine, the blood speeding through her veins, her breath hitching in her chest. 

Turning, she headed straight for the door without delaying, anticipation building inside at the sound of his footsteps behind her. Just inside the foyer, a strong arm caught her about the waist, spun her around, her back hitting the closed door. Between one breath and the next, he attacked her mouth, his teeth nipping at her lips, his tongue forcing its way past them to find hers, both of them moaning at the long-awaited, much-needed contact. One of his hands gently gripped her neck, his thumb brushing her jaw causing more shivers to cascade through her. His other hand slid down her back to cup her ass and squeezed, pulling her closer.

Rey, all too happy to oblige his obvious want, lifted onto her tiptoes with a desperate whine, trying her best to align their hips but she just couldn’t quite get there. Suddenly, her feet left the ground, now positioned where she wanted to be. Another moan escaped her lips as Phillip pressed her hard against the door, hip to hip, his mouth now blazing a trail down her neck, leaving little bites along the way. His hips rolled into hers, his grunt of pleasure making her wetter. She couldn’t wait any longer.

Grabbing a fistful of his wavy hair, she pulled just hard enough to get his attention and discovered by the sudden jerk of his hips and gasp that her action actually turned him on more. Good to know. Pulling a little harder, exposing his neck, she trailed kisses and bites down one side of his neck and up the other, reveling in the shiver that went through him.

Hovering over his lips, looking straight into his eyes, Rey made her demand. “Fuck me, Phillip. Fuck me hard. I need you so much it hurts. I have for some time now. I can’t take it anymore.”

With a low growl, Rey found herself whisked away from the door and bypassing the living room, his mouth busy leaving marks on her neck. She gave his hair another little tug. “Couch now. Bed later.”

Once there, he let her go, and Rey feared he was going to back out but all he did was pull her t-shirt over her head, immediately bending to drop hot, wet kisses along her collarbones as he pushed her bra straps from her shoulders, his facial hair tickling her sensitive skin. Within seconds, the clasp had been undone, the garment was pulled free and tossed over his shoulder. His hands on her breasts, massaging them, his thumbs rubbing their tips, the sensation went far beyond her wildest dreams. Then his tongue flicked over the hardened peaks and she nearly lost it.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, pussycat. You taste so damn sweet. I’ve wanted to do this for so fucking long. You have no idea how much I’ve fantasized about this.”

Rey couldn’t answer verbally, too short of breath. Instead, she grabbed Phillip’s shirttail and yanked it over his head, tossing it aside. Her hands glided over his toned chest and abs. Leaning in, she lapped at a tight nipple and was instantly rewarded with a strangled  _ Fuck me!  _ That was precisely what she was attempting to do! Making quick work of his belt and popping the button of his fly loose seemed to spur him into action as his hands fell to her shorts to do the same. Both her shorts and panties were pooled around her ankles in no time.

Much to Rey’s frustration, Phillip started planting kisses down her sternum and over her belly, stopping once he was on his knees. His hot breaths feathered over the skin of her lower abdomen as he rested his head there.

“I want to taste you. I want to know just how sweet you really taste. I want to lick up every drop of your honey. I want to feel you come on my tongue. God, you smell divine.”

“ _ Phillip! _ ” Her hands in his hair again, she encouraged him back to his feet. “I swear to God, if you don’t fuck me now, I will hurt you.”

He gave her a wolfish grin, his hands working his fly and shoving down his own garments. “My pussycat’s gone feral. That’s an incredible turn on. Show me your claws. I want to feel them.”

With that, he picked her up and followed her down onto the couch. Rey dug her nails into Phillip’s back as she locked her legs around his hips, lifting hers urgently, whimpering when his hard length brushed through her slick folds. Reaching between them, she grabbed him, pumping a few times.

“Oh, fuck, yes!” 

She’d barely begun when he pulled her hand away, shifted positions ever so slightly, and thrust into her, filling her beyond anything she’d ever felt before. “Oh, God, Phillip, more! Harder!”

“Fuck, pussycat, you are so damn tight! God, you feel so good!’

Feeling every bit as feral as he’d claimed her to be, Rey’s fingers tangled into Phillip’s hair and pulled, exposing his neck to her lips, teeth, and tongue. Each sharp snap of his hips drove her higher, her release just out of reach.

Against his lips, Rey half-begged, half-commanded, “Harder! Help me come, Phillip! I need to so bad!”

Rey felt his leg shift, setting his foot onto the floor. This new leverage gave more power to his thrusts. “Yes! Like that! Just like that! I’m so close!”

A strangled grunt fell from Phillip’s lips as he thrust into her, adding a little roll to his hips. Feasting on her again, his tongue mirrored his hips, in and out, teasing hers. Barely able to breathe, Rey pulled away from his sinful yet talented mouth to bury her forehead against his neck, the tension spiraling tighter and tighter with each rough slide of his cock. Her back arched from the sofa, her legs clamping around him. Her nails dug half-moons into his back as intense pleasure erupted inside, a vast wave pulling her under, stealing her breath entirely.

Two seconds later, Phillip followed her, hoarse curses falling from his lips with each sharp thrust of his hips. Rey thought it the sexiest thing she’d ever heard. Together they rode out the cresting waves, each clinging to the other as if they could take the other person inside themselves if they just held on tight enough. The slap of skin against skin, the squeak of the couch, and the deep moans, hard grunts, and light whimpers of desperate pleasure echoed in the room, sounding almost obscene. 

As with any high, reality slowly encroached, but Rey didn’t care. She’d just experienced the most beautiful thing ever.

\----

Rey wasn’t alone in her thinking. Phillip dropped his head to the couch cushion, overwhelmed. The relief, joy, and peace swirling inside him moved him to tears. Finally. He  _ finally  _ felt he belonged somewhere, finally felt like he’d come home. He fought the wetness in his eyes because, you know, what girl wanted to find the guy she’d just had sex with in tears? Rey being Rey, however, seemed to sense his mood, her fingers gently, almost tenderly, combed through his hair and Phillip felt the dam crumble under the crushing weight of his emotions. Burying his face in her neck and shoving his arms underneath her to hold her close, he allowed the tears to come, dulling the sharpness of his emotional wounds with each drop.

At some point, he realized the bulk of his weight still held Rey down, likely crushing her. With a sniffle and a shuddered breath, Phillip attempted to move, more than a little embarrassed over his emotional outburst. Rey, apparently, had other ideas as she tightened around him, encouraging him closer.

“I have to be crushing you. Just … let me switch us around.”

“As long as you don’t try to disappear on me.  _ That  _ would crush me.”

Phillip lifted his head to meet Rey’s eyes, vulnerability lurking in those hazel depths. Unable to stand seeing it there, he gently pressed his lips to hers for a lingering few moments. “I won’t. I couldn’t hurt you like that because it would hurt  _ me _ .”

Rey must have seen the truth in his eyes because she nodded and slowly tried to maneuver herself around. Phillip, painfully aware of various body parts on full display, tried his best not to drink her in with his eyes despite how intimate they’d just been. It seemed … wrong … somehow to ogle her. Any other time, he certainly would have taken any opportunity that presented itself to ogle the woman he’d been with, but this was different. This was Rey, not some convenient woman. He cared for her in a way he’d never cared for another woman. She was special and he vowed to treat her as such.

With a lot of maneuvering - and several saves where Rey nearly fell onto the floor - Phillip finally lay flat on his back with her lying against his chest, straddling his hips as best she could. He had no idea where things would go from there. Did she want more, or was this simply scratching a sudden itch? He hoped for the former but would tolerate the latter. Rey folded her arms over his chest and dropped her chin to her hands, watching him with eyes he could easily get lost in, her hair utterly tousled, her lips swollen. She looked adorably well-fucked. He thought he saw little dark splotches all over her neck from his kisses and the idea of a visible sign of his possession had him grinning rather smugly.

Her head rotated slightly to one side. “You look as if you’re thinking rather hard about something. Care to share?”

Reaching up, Phillip tucked a lock of Rey’s hair behind her ear. “Just that I’ve wanted to be with you like this since the storm, maybe even before if certain things were any indication.”

Brows rising to nearly her hairline, Rey lifted her head from his chest. “Really? That’s when I realized just how attractive you are.” Phillip blushed, not used to hearing that said about him, which only made Rey chuckle. “I’m serious.” 

Using her fingertip, she lightly traced each feature as she spoke. “Your eyes are so incredibly expressive. I thought I had seen something in them when you looked at me after wrestling the door shut again that day, but I told myself I was being stupid, that you would never look at  _ me  _ like that. I wasn’t your type. I was certain of it.”

Feeling guilty for ever putting doubt into her head, whether intentional or not, Phillip cupped her cheek, skimmed the pad of his thumb over her lip, before sliding his hand into her hair to cup the back of her head. Gently, he urged her down so he could plant a tender kiss on her forehead.

“Apparently, that type wasn’t mine after all. Probably explains why I felt so dissatisfied with Wynter. I wanted you before I truly realized that I did.”

Rey, after resettling on his chest, aimed her beautifully bright smile at him, setting off another need inside Phillip to take her lips again, but she stopped him when he tried. “I’m not done yet.” Her fingertip traced the bridge of his nose. “You would not believe the things I fantasized you doing with this.”

A shiver of desire traveled through his entire body, goosebumps peppering his skin, his cock twitching like an awakening beast. Now, she had  _ him  _ imagining what he could do and, fuck, what a turn on it was! He definitely would be exploring these fantasies and more the next time - which in all truth might be rather soon if she kept this up.

That fingertip dropped from his nose to his lips, sensuously outlining them, her tone turning sultry. “Your mouth. It’s absolutely sinful what you’re able to do with it. Many times, I’ve dreamed of having your lips on me, wondering how they’d feel, how you’d taste.”

And just like that, the beast was well on its way to standing at attention and pleading for more. The heat of her core teased him mercilessly. Did she have  _ any  _ idea what she did to him? That same fingertip left his lips after dipping just inside them and withdrawing again and skimmed to, of all places, his ear, tracing its shell and brushing behind it, making him shiver again and catch his breath.

“But these? I have wanted to nibble away, see if they were as sensitive as the rest of you.”

Fuck, he couldn’t take any more. Grabbing Rey’s hips, Phillip pushed until her entrance pressed deliciously against the base of him, dragging her along his length, teasing them both with no penetration, her gasp and whimper his reward. But of course, his pussycat wasn’t about to be outplayed and she proved it by lifting enough to graze his nipple with her teeth then lapping with her tongue. Involuntarily, his hips spasmed upward, another curse bursting from his lips, his fingers digging into her skin so hard he feared he’d leave bruises but unable to release her or loosen his grip.

Phillip growled, a deep guttural sound vibrating in his chest when Rey took to grinding against him, her slick folds cupping him so perfectly. This round, he wanted a bed, so wrapping his arms around her hips to hold her still, he sat up and helped her position her legs so he could stand.

“Not the couch this time, pussycat. I want you laid out on the bed so I can feast on all of you.”

He’d just reached the base of the stairs when her teeth raked along his ear and nibbled the lobe. He’d  _ wanted  _ the bed, but it was so far away and he needed to be inside Rey again, right this second. Pressing her against the wall, he thrust into her with a loud, desperate grunt. Once he’d started, he couldn’t stop. The good thing was, Rey didn’t give him any indication that she wanted him to. Harder and harder his hips slammed against hers, their panting breaths mingling, sounds of pleasure loud in the stillness.

Phillip tried to wait for her, he really did, but in the end, he couldn’t. Between one thrust and the next, he came with a strangled grunt and curse. “Fuck! Shit! Damn it!”

Rey suddenly tensed, her inner walls clamped around his cock, then spasmed around him, milking him for everything he could give, and give it he did. “Oh, God! Yes!”

Once he’d come down from the orgasmic high, Phillip dropped his head to the wall, letting it thud, feeling immediately embarrassed and guilty over his lack of self-control. “I’m sorry, Rey. I tried to hold on, tried to wait. You just … felt so good that I couldn’t.”

“Phillip, look at me.” 

He didn’t want to, but he complied, and found, much to his surprise, no recrimination in her eyes. How could she not be angry with him? Women first. That was what his father had pounded into his head when he’d been given  _ The Talk _ . It was the man’s duty to make sure the woman got her pleasure before the man took his. That was the way it was supposed to be - wasn’t it?

Her hands came up to cup his face. He couldn’t look away now if he’d tried. “Phillip, listen very carefully. Just now, hearing you,  _ feeling  _ you, the knowledge that you got such pleasure from being with me helped send me over the edge. I love listening to you come apart. It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.” Humor danced her eyes, her smile turning impish. “Now, didn’t you say something about a bed?”

Once he’d lain her down on her bed, he curled up beside her, facing her, and pulled her close, suddenly too tired to carry through with his earlier plan. He didn’t feel too bad about it, though, because Rey yawned as she tucked in under his jaw. It was still fairly early in the afternoon, plenty of time to recover and try for round three, and  _ this time _ , it would be in bed.

\----

The next time Phillip opened his eyes, the sunshine didn’t seem quite as bright as it came through the curtains. The next thing he realized was that he lay flat on his back, Rey still snuggled against him, one leg thrown over his. A very unclothed Rey. His eyes roamed over her form. God, she was so beautiful! He had a hard time accepting that she really wanted him the way he did her, but their previous rounds proved that to be the case. Just thinking about those experiences brought a large smile to his face - until he had a horrifying thought that melted said smile right off.

“Rey.” Phillip shook Rey’s shoulder insistently. He had to know. “Rey! Wake up. We need to talk.”

From his side came a protesting whine before she stretched, much like the cat he’d likened her to. “Hmmm. What’s up?”

“Rey, we need to talk. I need you awake right now.”

She tensed as she came fully awake. Then, she did something that completely baffled him. She rolled away from him and sat up, her back to him. When she spoke, her voice held a false brightness to it.

“It’s okay, Phillip. You don’t have to say anything. I get it. We had our fun. That’s all it was.”

Phillip found himself unable to breathe at her words, his chest feeling as if it was going to implode. She couldn’t mean that! Not after what they’d shared! “You don’t mean that. Do you?” Please, God, don’t let her have meant that.

Rey turned around to face him, the picture of confusion. “Isn’t that what you were going to say?”

Phillip’s shoulders dropped, his head falling forward, releasing a huge breath in relief. Reaching out, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. “No. I wasn’t going to say anything of the sort. No, I just realized something.” He swallowed, nerves making it rather difficult. “Rey, we, uh, forgot something both times, forgot to  _ use  _ something and - ”

Rey’s confusion cleared like sunshine clearing a foggy day, a smile as bright as the sun spreading across her face. Phillip stared at her, completely mesmerized by that smile and by the fact she straddled his lap, and kissed him.

“Relax, Phillip,” she whispered in his ear, sending sparks of desire straight to his groin. “Nothing was forgotten. I had an implant put in a year ago. We’re good. If you preferred to use something, though - ”

This time, Phillip interrupted  _ her  _ with a kiss, a hand resting tenderly against her neck as if she were the most precious thing in the world to him - and she was - his thumb caressing her chin and jaw. Using any sort of barrier between them, no matter how thin, he found almost loathsome. That, more than anything else, testified as to just how far he’d fallen for Rey. Always before, he’d insisted on wrapping up, even when the woman had an implant. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt differently now.

Resting his forehead against hers, Phillip murmured, “I’m clean. If you’re okay with not using anything else, then  _ that’s _ what I’d prefer.”

Rey’s fingers toyed with the hair at the back of his neck, sending shivers of delight racing along his nerves. Her grin screamed that she knew it. Feeling lighter than he could ever remember, Phillip laughed and launched himself at Rey, rolling them on the bed and ending up above her. Rey, however, had other plans. Before he’d completely settled, she pushed, getting him off-balance and rolled them the other way with  _ her  _ on top.

“Oh, no, no, no,” she practically purred. “This time,  _ I’m  _ doing the riding.”

Oh, Phillip was more than ready for  _ whatever _ she had in mind. “I’m all yours, pussycat.”

Rey graced him with a very impish grin that promised a very satisfying experience. Phillip was up for it in more ways than one. Briefly, her lips brushed his before moving on to feather along his jaw up to his ear, electric shocks zinging along his nerves. Hot, wet kisses traced along his jaw and down his throat. For whatever reason, her lips over his Adam’s apple sent delicious shivers throughout his entire body, his cock now aching for attention. Grabbing Rey’s thighs, he held on for dear life, but mostly to keep himself from flipping them again and thrusting into her until they were both drifting in a post-orgasmic haze.

Her wicked mouth found its way over his chest to one nipple, then the other, licking and nibbling. Phillip groaned, his hips jerking in reaction. “Fuck, yes!” 

Her lips curved against his skin and he knew she enjoyed the power she had over him, not that he minded. She knew what she wanted and took it. That, alone, turned him on. Despite his tight grip, she slipped out of his hands as she worked her way down his chest and abs, little pricks of pain soothed by a swipe of her tongue sending the breath whooshing right out of him. Trembling with need, his hands tangled in her comforter. The silky glide of her hair on him as she moved a stark contrast to everything else made him painfully hard, a desperately whimpered moan escaping his control.

But what put his self-restraint to the test was feeling her tongue on his cock, tracing the underside from base to tip. That nearly launched him off the bed. “Holy mother of … !  _ FUCK!” _

One of her hands pressed against his chest as she eyed him alluringly from her position. “Lay down or I won’t be able to continue.”

His chest heaving, Phillip did as she said, unsure which was more torturous, having her stop or letting her continue. He certainly wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take before he spontaneously combusted. Her tongue lapped at him again, the tip toying with the head, pulling another moan from him as he cursed between clenched teeth, his hips bucking. When her lips closed around him and she sucked, he only held on to his control by the thinnest of threads. One of his hands twisted tighter into the comforter, while the other dug into Rey’s hair to hold her in place. 

Somehow, she broke his hold, and grinning, shook her head. “None of that, now. I actually want to keep my hair. When you come, it’s going to be so intense, you might just yank a whole chunk out.”

The way he felt at the moment, Phillip had no doubt that was true. He hissed and gasped as her mouth worked its magic, teasing but not enough for anything else, until he simply couldn’t take the stimulation anymore.

“Rey! Rey, I need to come! Let me come inside you! Please!”

Achingly slowly, she crawled back up, grinned down at him and pressed a hard kiss to his lips. With the slightest of adjustments, her heat closed around him, pulling from deep in his chest a grunt as he seated himself fully into her. One of his hands flew from the bed to her hips, working her up and down while the other squeezed between them to rub at her clit. He knew he wouldn’t last long and wanted her as close as possible when his orgasm overtook him.

Rey grinned down at him, breathlessly teasing him. “Cheater.” Her head fell back as she rose and fell. “This was supposed to be about you but, oh, God, Phillip, that feels good! Don’t stop!” Her pace quickened. Rey leaned in close to murmur in his ear. “Come for me, Phillip. I know you want to. Let me feel you. Come for me.”

Her quiet command did it. With a final, sharp thrust that left only his shoulders and the flats of his feet on the bed, Phillip erupted like a long-dormant volcano, hard and spectacularly, coating everything in its path with hot liquid. All he could do was hold onto Rey and grunt from the sheer ecstasy of relief, unable to formulate anything even remotely coherent. Rey followed right on his heels, the sensation of her gripping him so tightly, her pulsing walls milking him, ratcheted up the intensity of his release to the point he feared he’d pass out from the pleasure.

After a quasi-eternity, Rey collapsed onto his chest and Phillip dropped back to the bed, struggling just to breathe, thankful she had the same difficulty. Weak as a newborn kitten, Phillip could barely move, his arms having shifted so his hands merely rested against her hips, his elbows on the bed.

When he could muster the energy to think and speak, he panted, “Damn, pussycat! If it’s like that every time we come together, it’ll kill me, but what a fucking lovely way to go!”

Rey’s breath puffed against his neck as she softly chuckled. “Amen to that.” Two growls suddenly echoed in the room, turning her chuckles into laughter. “I guess we did work off whatever meals we had, didn’t we?”

Phillip did a double-take when he looked at the clock. They’d come into her house around mid-morning. Now, it was nearly evening. Looking up into Rey’s eyes, seeing the humor shining in them, he laughed. She looked so adorably soft and sweet. Angelic, even. If he hadn’t experienced it himself, he’d never have thought she could be so demanding and feral in bed. He loved it, loved  _ her _ . He couldn’t deny it any longer. He wasn’t just falling in love with her, he’d already fallen. Probably had the moment she shook his hand when they’d first met. He wanted to tell her, but not knowing where she thought this new aspect of their relationship would go, he held back.

“Get dressed. We’ll go out somewhere for dinner. I’ll let you pick the place.”

“Chinese? I haven’t had any good Chinese for a long time and I know just the place.”

“Works for me.”

Dressing quickly, Phillip watched as Rey went through a few extra motions, brushing her hair, dabbing on a little lip gloss and a quick spritz of something bright and tangy, yet softly floral. He thought that maybe he should keep some cologne on his bike or something because he probably reeked of sex. Well, nothing he could do about it at the moment. Taking Rey’s hand, he led her downstairs so she could grab her purse, phone, and helmet. Within seconds, they were out the door, both their stomachs growling profusely.

Chuckling, he asked, “So, where is this place we’re heading to? I think it better be an all-you-can-eat.” He received a shove for his cheekiness.

“Hey, it’s not my fault what I’ve had in my mouth today hasn’t been food.”

Phillip stopped in his tracks, pulling on Rey’s hand when she kept walking to bring her right up against his chest, wrapping his arms around her and lowering his head to hover his lips over hers. His blood rushed through his veins despite how he’d spent the day. 

“Careful, there, pussycat, or I might think that was a complaint.”

“Nope, no complaints here.” With a quick grin, she closed the gap between them, just ghosting his lips with her own. Pulling back, she winked at him before continuing to his bike and donning her helmet.

Shaking his head with a soft laugh, Phillip followed, strapped on his own head protection, and set them off in the direction of the restaurant, highly enjoying having Rey’s hands resting on his thighs and her body pressed against his back. He’d never imagined when he’d gotten out of bed that morning that things would take this turn in his life but he couldn’t be happier. Feeling her left hand lightly caress him, he grinned, took it in his, and kissed her fingertips before pressing it over his heart. He released a contented breath. Nope, he could  _ not  _ be happier.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
